Joel Robuchon; MGM Grand, Las Vegas: Part I

Happy 40th Birthday Hubba or What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas ... Unless Jay and Bendy Witness Your Five-Star Meltdown

Joel Robuchon - recipient of more Michelin Stars than I probably have teeth; a AAA five-diamond and Mobile five-star winning Wine Spectator Grand Poobah. Named France's Chef of the Century, he came out of retirement to open his first US restaurant in Sin City (probably because someone drove a dump truck full of money up to his house) and it promptly became the only Michelin 3-Star restaurant in all of Las Vegas.

In Stinktown that translates to "I'm going to pay how much for a dinner that doesn't include steak?"

So let's not be coy.

Joel Robuchon's restaurants are not for the faint of heart or short of funds. When Jason and I decided that we wanted to dine here for his 40th birthday celebration we did so two years ahead of time in order to set aside the money to cover a week-long Vegas trip as well as two 16-course degustation menus. The current price of said degustation menu: $385 per person, not including tax or gratuity.

You understand, then, that for people like us, and I imagine for most of you reading here as well, this kind of dinner is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Dare I say, IT'S A BIG DEAL. Jay and I talked about this meal months prior to the trip and looked up reviews and pictures and just generally fidgeted with greedy, gastronomic anticipation. I point this all out so that later in the review you will understand why I found myself near tears in the middle of one of the most exclusive restaurants in Las Vegas and why Jason audibly wished for a video camera to record events because no one was going to believe us when we shared the story.

But more about that later.

Dining at Robuchon is such a special event that if you know to ask (and I scour the interwebs on a regular basis to ensure that I know what I need to know to be in the know) the restaurant staff will arrange round-trip transportation to and from the MGM Grand with one of the resort's signature gold limousines at no additional charge. For one night only we were going to receive the VIP treatment!

Self-portrait in our floor-length mirror ... when we were thin and hungry!


MGM Pimp Limo picking us up at the Encore!


I could get used to this ...


The cool thing about the limo ride, aside from the fact that you're actually in a gold stretch limo bopping down the Vegas strip, is that the driver doesn't drop you off at the front entrance to the MGM Grand where you must then walk through clouds of tobacco smoke and push past the unwashed masses in order to reach the restaurant. No siree! The limo driver instead takes guests to The Mansion at MGM, which is an exclusive enclave of 30 private villas tucked so well into the resort complex that you'd never know it was there unless you were supposed to know. The entire area is modeled after an 18th century Tuscan villa and has been sumptuously decorated with authentic, priceless European pieces. It has a private casino, two spas, and more than $1 million worth of area rugs. The only people who stay at The Mansion are the people who are invited to stay by hotel management; however, guests dining at Robuchon are allowed to relax prior to their reservation in one of The Mansion's public rooms until a restaurant staff member arrives to escort them to dinner.

Jason and I had the place to ourselves, aside from a few very discreet staff members, and while we probably didn't wait more than ten minutes it seemed like forever. I felt very awkward and out of place; gauche, even, especially when I whipped out the camera to take some pictures. The same stupid phrase kept running through my brain: we're not in Stinktown anymore, Toto.

No slouching!


Jason looks right at home ...


We like how the other half lives and would like to join them ... permanently!


Our Robuchon escort turned out to be one of the restaurant hostesses and she was quite friendly and even took our picture in the Villa courtyard. This was the area where we were originally dropped by our limo.

REM - Remorseless Eating Machines


The walk through the rest of The Mansion was amazing and beautiful - there are truly priceless works of art, porcelains, tapestries, and furniture everywhere. To give you some examples, there are paintings by Matisse and Picasso, Tang Dynasty sculptures, and Portuguese tapestries. And it is impossible to get into, or out of, the "public" areas of The Mansion without clearing security - they take their guests' privacy and safety very seriously.

Once we arrived at Robuchon we were seated immediately, but I have to confess to some disappointment. The main dining room is decorated in plush purple velvet with accents of black and white and gold - it's set off by an amazing crystal chandelier. And then for some odd reason the restaurant has a fake garden room with five tables and not a lot of privacy for additional seating. I wanted the main dining room and never stopped to think that for a 5:30 seating we would have to worry about being placed in the "kids" room but that's exactly what happened. And not only that, but we were seated at a round table for four people instead of one of the available two-toppers on either side of us. It was weird and awkward and not at all intimate and I didn't like it one bit, but there was nowhere else for us to go because the dining room was full.

Peek through our doorway to see the really plush dining area where they had pillows and carpeting and booze carts ... I love pillows and booze carts, especially when they can be found together in the same place.

Why can't we sit in there?


We took a shower!


Our decor ... fake ivy and Madame Leota's crystal ball


Place setting


I have to be honest - I was not at all pleased at this point in the evening. We were in the middle of the fake garden at a round table and there were two other couples on either side of us and it felt like we were all on top of each other. To make matters worse, I had been fighting with the gutworm all day and was very worried that it was going to rear its head and leave me in Joel Robuchon's bathroom while Jason ate dinner alone. Plans for a bottle of champagne went right out the fake door and into the fake ivy - we each ordered a single glass so that we could toast Jay's birthday but damn if I didn't feel like a ruiner before we'd even had a chance to look at the menu.

Happy birthday, handsome hubba!


Those aren't albino sausages ... they're my arms!


Can you see the vague shapes of people behind me in that picture? Note them well because they were our entertainment for a good third of the evening. I didn't notice them when we were first seated, but once I began to settle down and relax I became aware that the female member of this party talked loudly and constantly ... mostly about herself and how much men love her. From the way she spoke I assumed that she was probably very young; I thought this might be a "big date" for her and her manfriend and I tried very hard to ignore her. The manfriend, by the way, didn't say much ... I suppose he was dazzled by the vision of self-absorbed beauty sharing his table. We found out later that he was just really stupid.

The service at Robuchon is very measured ... everything is very calm and very quiet and very much about ensuring the best possible experience for the guest. The serving staff inquired about allergies and I mentioned my issues with nuts and seeds - they were scrupulous to a fault throughout the evening. Honestly, I think they were more careful with my food in one night than I've been in ten years! They were attentive and helpful without being overly intrusive and were very kind in many ways as the evening wore on.

Once our order was placed for the tasting menu we had only to sit back and wait for the first of many delights to show up at our table. The bread cart, which made an appearance at least twice, was loaded with freshly made yeasty offerings. Guests were welcome to try as many of these items as they liked and trying to decide between them all was not easy; Jason and I loves us some fresh bread, but we knew that we had to leave room for all the food to come so we limited ourselves to two choices each.

It was about this time that I really became aware of the couple seated behind me. The bread cart visited their table after ours and while the manfriend availed himself of more carb-loaded goodness, the female said, "Oh, no more for me even though it's so good. I can't eat too much bread or I will gain weight and I have to keep my fabulous figure."

When someone trills a comment like that at a member of the wait staff, I have to sneak a peek and let me just say that this woman looked like a toothpick. She didn't have a figure ... she had skin and bones and a hank of hair. Jason promptly dubbed her Skeletor and said at least she'd be a cheap date.

The bread cart!


Asiago roll & Bacon roll


Sourdough roll & Whole Wheat baguette


Our first course arrived shortly after the bread and it's something that is only provided when a guest orders the degustation menu - it cannot be ordered a la carte. Le Caviar is a Robuchon signature item and is described as follows: caviar on a fennel cream served as a surprise. It's a surprise because at first glance most people probably think they are being given an ounce of premium fish eggs to nosh on. It certainly does appear that way until you have your first bite and realize that there is a layer of caviar covering a creamy, tender crab filling. It was a rich mix of texture and flavors - simply amazing!

Le Caviar


SURPRISE!


Our second course was L'Oursin - sea urchin on a delicate spiced carrot fondant. It even had edible gold leaf, how fun is that? The gold leaf was the best part of this course, at least as far as I was concerned. I didn't care one bit for the taste of the sea urchin which reminded me of mud pie filling - it's texture, oddly enough, was reminiscent of foie gras but that taste .... bleh ... it was like eating dirt. Jason, however, thought this was quite tasty and really enjoyed the opportunity to try something new and scary.

L'Oursin


We now interrupt your tasting meal for a Skeletor and her manservant update.

These two did not order the tasting menu as Jay and I did; they apparently decided to go a la carte. I don't know which item they ordered but it was SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD! I know this because she must have had three foodgasms right there in the chair behind me and was loud enough that the people on the opposite side of the room were beginning to take notice. Shortly thereafter she excused herself and the manservant opened his mouth and requested the sommelier. He wanted to order another bottle of wine; something special. He asked for a recommendation on a really good Cabernet-Montrachet.

Jay and I just stared at each other, open-mouthed. And then I started to giggle.

"Psssssst," I whispered across the table at my hubby. "Didn't he just ask for a cabernet / white burgundy blend?"

Jay snickered. "Yep."

"I don't know much about wine but there isn't any such thing, is there?"

"I don't think so."

How the sommelier managed to keep a straight face through the whole exchange is beyond me, but his self control was amazing. I wonder though, if he wandered back to kitchen or wine cellar later that evening and busted a gut.

Shortly before our third, fourth, and fifth courses showed up, Skeletor made her triumphant return from the ladies room and I got my first and only good look at her. She was old! Skinny, leathery, and wrinkled with nasty bleach-blond fried hair. Jay summed it up best when he said, "She's been ridden hard and put away wet."

There wasn't much time to dwell on the horror behind me, however, because three courses arrived simultaneously: Les Asperges was a kind of study in asparagoose and I really enjoyed two of three offerings that were provided. We had asparagus pana cotta with citrus (creamy and light and refreshing), scrambled egg in a golden toast (lovely fluffy egg topped with asparagus and served in an edible toast bowl), and morel royale with chunks of asparagus and white wine broth (not with the shrooms again!).

Three courses at once AKA Les Asperges


Brouillarde Cremeuse Dans Une Voilette de Pain Dore


Un Blanc-Manger Aux Substances D'Agrumes


Royale Tremblotante de Morille Au Vin D'Arbois


While Jason and I were sampling all of these items I suddenly noticed how quiet the room had become. I looked over at him to ask a question and he was staring past me with a huge grin on his face.

"What?"

"Turn around and look."

"I can't just turn around - they'll know exactly what I'm doing."

"No they won't," Jason assured me.

So, carefully, I turned my head to the right and then whipped it back around to look at Jason who was laughing into his napkin by this point. I turned back again and stared at Skeletor and her manservant - they were engaged in an intense make-out session. She was straddling his lap and his hands were traveling and their tongues were dueling. And everyone was watching ...