Quarks, The Star Trek Experience

Quarks Bar and Restaurant, Las Vegas Hilton - Lunch (4/21/08)

Dorks, dweebs, nerds, spazes, poindexters, eggheads, geeks ... all applicable synonyms for Jay and me, but we're comfortable with that. Our motto: embrace your inner dork and proudly fly your freak flag!!!

I must be honest ... I'm a latecomer to the whole Star Trek thing, having never even watched it before Jay and I started dating. There we'd be, sitting on the couch in either his or my parents' living room and suddenly the clock would strike 11PM, and all conversation would cease while the theme music to Deep Space Nine filled the room. At first when this happened I would find a book or magazine to read ... I was a history geek, not a sci-fi dork. But soon something insidious happened and I started watching, and then asking questions, and then seeking back-story ... Captain Cisco was cool, the whole Emissary storyline was just baffling enough to be interesting, little Eddie Munster had a starring role as the premier Vorta serving the Dominion, the Ferengi were simultaneously greedy and funny, and... well, you get the point.

There was no denying fact - I was hooked and it wasn't a big leap to suddenly find myself watching Next Generation (Captain Picard was sexy and that Q guy was an incredible bastard) and from there somehow we ended up watching Voyager ... eh, Voyager sucked - it was like watching Star Trek Stereotype. It was so bad that I started to make fun of the characters: Captain WrongWay; Commander Chicory; that spotted freaky chef / jack-of-all-trades Bootlick. Ugh ... the show went from bad to worse, but I digress.

I can't remember exactly how I found about the Star Trek Experience while researching for our Vegas trip ... did I stumble across it and then seek advice from my DISfriends or did my DISfriends set my feet on the path to dorkie good times? Either way, thank you Cass and Heather - I knew you wouldn't steer us wrong!!

So, let me share with those of you who want to know (and those of you don't) a few details about the Star Trek Experience. As I stated earlier, the attraction is located within the Las Vegas Hilton and it's an interactive experience. There are two rides: The Klingon Encounter and the Borg Invasion 4D. In the Klingon Encounter you try to evade the Klingons on a 24th century shuttlecraft with Enterprise crew members - the ride / show lasts 18 minutes. The Borg Invasion combines live actors and special effects to make the entire experience seem very realistic. You tour a futuristic research facility and then flee as the Borg attack and try to capture / assimilate you into their collective. This ride / show also lasts 18 minutes.

Both rides are a lot of fun but I think I liked the Klingon Encounter just a little better. I don't want to spoil the surprises for anyone so I'm not going to divulge any more information here, but if you're a Trek fan and haven't made it to this attraction in Vegas yet, get yourself over to the Hilton and revel in the geekfest!!

They also have a ton of memorabilia from all the different Star Trek shows and movies and the entire venue has been designed with a tremendous eye for detail. It's really quite an impressive and immersive experience.

Models of the Enterprise and Voyager


The Enterprise's sordid underbelly


There were also actors roaming around who portrayed various characters from the Star Trek series. We found this Klingon and Vulcan outside the front entrance as we were making our way inside to check out the Borg Invasion. They were both very convincing and never broke character; the Klingon was especially good - surly, confrontational, and downright insulting ... he cracked us up every time he opened his mouth.

I hope this Klingon isn't going to kill me...


Jay may be part Klingon ...


After completing our exciting Trekkie adventures we needed some food. There was no question as to where we were going: Quarks Restaurant and Bar. Quark is a Ferengi and he owns and operates a bar on Deep Space Nine's promenade. The Star Trek Experience has a small promenade area modeled after the one on Deep Space Nine with several stores where guests can purchase all kinds of Trekkie collectibles; at the entrance to the shopping area you will find Quarks. We were a little disappointed not to see Quark himself, but received prompt service despite the proprietor's absence.

There was no way that we could avoid ordering a drink here ... how can a Star Trek dork who likes booze not order one of the many cleverly named beverages on the drink menu? Jay and I decided to go for broke with one of Quarks signature drinks:

Mini Warp Core Breach


The warp core breach has ten ounces of alcohol and it includes five different flavored Rums, Razzmatazz, and fruit juices. Quark's also offers a smaller version called the mini warp core breach which only contains five ounces of booze. We decided to play it safe by ordering the small version, but as you can see even the small version is pretty damn big!

I think I could dunk my entire head in this drink!


I'll share, but only because I have to.


Sometimes with gimmicky drinks it's all show and not much else; such was not the case with this drink. It was chock full of alcohol but tasted like raspberry punch - drinking it through a super long straw that I had to half-rise from my chair in order to use was fun but highly inadvisable. Life lesson # 17 - never drink alcoholic beverages through a straw.

This, I think, is where all of our budgetary vacation good intentions flew out the window. We almost never order an appetizer at lunch, but for some reason ... knowing full well that we had dinner reservations and then a dessert tasting scheduled for later in the evening, we went ahead and ordered an appetizer anyway. Bye-bye budget, hello food-related spending spree!!!

Famous Ferengi Flatbread


This was our appetizer choice: grilled foccacia bread topped with fresh herbs and Parmesan cheese. We were given the option of adding Mozzarella cheese as well for an extra $1.00, and who can say no to that? This was hot and tasty - like eating cheesy pizza bread - and it really hit the spot. It also helped soak up some of the alcohol from our drink.

While we were enjoying our appetizer the Klingon we'd had our pictures taken with out front wandered through the restaurant, stopping occasionally to insult or challenge various patrons. There was a couple sitting at a table near us who were also enjoying a "fishbowl" drink and the Klingon stopped and said, "Are you sharing that drink?"

The man of the table answered in the affirmative.

The Klingon rolled his eyes and said in a ringing voice, "Cowards!"

Jay and I laughed ourselves silly at this but sobered up quickly when we found the Klingon glaring down at us. He didn't comment on our drink but did ask if we had ever tried Klingon food. Jay told him in his opinion that it was tough to find high quality Klingon food and asked in turn if Quarks "qagh" (Klingon serpent worms) were worth ordering.

Klingon: Eh, it's a little lethargic.

Jay: There's nothing worse than half-dead qagh; I've always found it's best enjoyed when live and energetic.

Brenda: How's the blood wine here?

Klingon: It's a bit thick and coagulated, actually.

We cracked up again and he decided to move on in search of fresh patrons to terrorize. The timing couldn't have been better because our sandwiches arrived just after our Klingon acquaintance left us. Up first, Jay's lunch selection:

Photon Torpedo


This is a baked submarine sandwich with Italian meats and cheeses, topped with lettuce, tomato, red onion, roasted pepper relish, and red wine vinaigrette. When pressed for an opinion Jay said, "This eye-talian sub sandwedge is meaty and tasty."

I ordered a turkey wrap, a bit of a stretch for me because I am not a huge fan of turkey - it's usually dry and tasteless. I wonder how the turkey sandwich of the future will taste ...

Talaxian Turkey Wrap


My wrap came with sliced turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise in a cheddar cheese tortilla. It was surprisingly good and the turkey was moist - it's a miracle! The cheese tortilla used for the wrap was really tasty and flavorful - I think this was what really sold me on the entire sandwich.

By the end of lunch we were more than satisfied - Quarks provided good, comforting food in a playful, fun environment. There were plenty of dorks like us occupying other tables and drinking silly alcoholic beverages with goofy grins on their faces. Quarks is a safe haven for Trek geeks everywhere!

Wondering if we managed to drain our fishbowl?

How could you doubt us?


Silly readers, of course we finished our tasty drink! And later in a promenade store we saw this fishbowl and stand selling for $70. I can't believe they served us such a potent drink in such an expensive prop, but I guess the straws are designed to discourage people from picking the bowl up ... like we did.

One last picture on our way out ... Quarks bar with no patrons. They must all be on some exciting mission in the wormhole.

Quarks actual bar...where's Morn???