Cruising on an Airboat, a Yacht, and Some Darvocet...Part I: The Airboat

August 23, 2008 - Come and Get It Applies to Wildlife as Well as People!

The wake-up call came bright and early at 7AM just like we asked, but it was still tough to get out of bed. However, if we wanted to have some food before heading off to tour the Everglades we had to get up "early" and start moving since the bus for the airboat excursion was scheduled to leave at 8:30AM.

Jay's company provided everyone with pre-paid tickets for the restaurant of their choice to cover breakfast during each day of the trip - we thought the buffet was the easiest and tastiest option for us considering that we were on a schedule that morning. We headed downstairs to a place called the Cathedral, where a breakfast buffet was served daily from 7AM - 11:30AM. The Cathedral is located in the resort's main building, called the Cloister, and it's a massive dining room with vaulted ceilings, picture windows looking out into the marina, and fancy schmancy stonework and tile. It was absolutely stunning.

Too bad I can't say the same thing about the buffet.

They had a nice selection, I'll give them that; it included scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, pastries, bagels, cereals, eggs benedict, smoked salmon, fruit and yogurt, and an omlette station. There were also these cordial glasses brimming with strange looking, thick liquid ... one set of glasses were filled with a sort of a burnt orange concoction and the other was filled with dark green sludge that reminded me of Polyjuice Potion. No signage was provided to enlighten the dim among us as to what these little treats were - on a different day we might have been tempted to give them a try, but when you know you're leaving civilization behind for a few hours the last thing you want to do is ingest something that will induce acute spastic colon. Mud butt is unpleasant enough in the comfort and privacy of your own home, gawd only knows how miserable it would be on a charter bus or in the middle of the Florida Everglades.

Ahem.

So, what were those things anyway?

Turns out they were vitamin shooters ... thick, stinky, gacky and good for you, too!!!

We started out with some fruit and yogurt parfaits (or as Grimace calls them ... barfaits) - strawberry for me and blueberry for Jay. These were both really good, just the right mix of plain yogurt, fruit puree, and fresh fruit. If I weren't so lazy I'd make these at home.

That's a parfait ... not a barfait!

I decided to keep my breakfast simple since I wasn't all that hungry. I rarely wake up with an appetite; for some reason my stomach takes a lot longer to wake up than the rest of me. I ended up with cold and runny eggs and a very dried out miniature croissant. The bacon was good, though - not too crisp and not too soft.

Two out of three is unacceptable!

Jay and I also shared a plate of breakfast pastries, including a chocolate croissant in honor of our DIS-friend Cass, who loves her some chockie croissants! Moving in a circle around the plate, starting with the chocolate offering, there was also a fruity scone, and a cherry / cheese danish type thing. All three were disappointing - even though it was fairly early in the morning and the buffet had only been serving for about 30 minutes these were all dried out. Maybe my tastebuds were off because of the antibiotics I was taking, but I was not impressed.

Breakfast pastries ... they look better than they taste.

Jay's breakfast selection was much more interesting than mine. Although, had the eggs benedict been offered sans sauce I would have eaten those. But pre-made eggs Benedict Arnold with congealing holland days sauce does not appeal to me or my parasitic tummy twin. Jay also had some snausages, salmon, corned beef hash, and taters, Precious. We also had some orange juice that was so full of pulp I think we could have made paper from it and some just adequate coffee. All in all a pretty mediocre breakfast - long on presentation and short on taste. If we had paid money for this meal I would have been annoyed, but since someone else was paying for it I was relatively indifferent.

A Plate full o'stuff,

On our way out we stopped to take a few pictures of the restaurant - you'll see that it's aptly named.

Wow!

Did I already say wow!?

Pretty impressive, isn't it? I just wish the food had been better. In our experience breakfast buffets are usually the most reliable of all buffets, but this one was a letdown. Maybe the South Florida crowd doesn't like to eat ...

We made our way to the hotel lobby where we found the tour bus parked out front. After checking in with the guide, Jay and I climbed aboard the bus and headed for seats in the back again. I just don't understand why everyone wants to crowd together up at the front of the bus, it must be my anti-social personality, but I like space. Lots and lots of space.

While we waited for the rest of the group to show up so that we could get started, Jay and I took the obligatory "we were here" self-portrait.

Here's hoping we don't get lost or eaten alive on this tour!

And since it was such a lovely morning and such a great view, we snapped a picture of the fountain that sits directly in front of the hotel's lobby area.

Pretty!

That's a damn clear shot for being snapped through the bus window! A few minutes later the tardy ones made an appearance and we were on our way. It took about an hour to drive to our destination - along the way we noticed that one side of the highway was populated with the standard businesses and homes that you'd expect to see anywhere while the opposite side of the highway was nothing but swampy, undeveloped land stretching as far as the eye could see. We couldn't help but wonder if the mutant mosquitoes who obviously reside here kidnapped small pets or children to satisfy their appetite for blood.

In almost no time at all we arrived at the Everglades Holiday Park. The guide was handing out little bottles of water to everyone as they left the bus, but Jay and I are savvy Florida travelers and we'd brought our own massive bottle of water that the hotel provided in the room free of charge. And speaking of savvy, please tell me why there were women on this excursion wearing strappy little sandals and pounds of makeup?

We're touring a bug and critter infested no-man's land, not meeting for a freaking garden party!

I am as vain as the next woman ... I always want to look as good as possible, but I'm usually too lazy to put in the three hours of effort that it requires. My natural inclination towards slothfulness is aided and abetted by tropical weather - my motto is pull the hair back and slather on some sunscreen because it's going to be hot, humid, and sticky.

I actually asked one woman, the wife of someone I used to work with way back when, why she thought so many woman were wearing makeup and dressed so impractically for a swamp tour. She told me that for herself, she didn't want to make her husband look bad.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

As long as I don't fart or belch in public I figure I'm practically a trophy wife.

I just can't get my head around what she said and I feel kind of sad for her that she would even think something like that. I dress for the situation ... there is a time and a place for makeup and the perfect coiffure ... gatorland isn't it.

So in conclusion, ladies, dress for your own comfort when visiting the natural beauty that is the Everglades and leave the fashion statement for the cocktail hour or the company yacht, OK?

There were two airboats waiting for us - they each held about 20 people - and were open on the sides with a cover on top stretching the length of the boat. Jay and I were the last to climb aboard our boat, and as luck would have it, had the entire back row to ourselves so we could move easily along the length of the seat and take pictures from both sides of the boat.

The back-side of an airboat...

Smile, this may be the last your family sees of you!

Once everyone was situated we pushed off and were on our way ... we looked back and snapped a picture of the dock as the boat moved further and further away from civilization.

When last seen our fearless crew were taunting an alligator ...

Our guide directed our attention to a grove of trees in the far distance and informed us that was our next destination. He then fired up the motor and we were off! Holy crap that motor was loud!!!

Check out our wake,

The boat slowed as we neared the trees so that we could scan the marsh for hidden wildlife. Our guide advised us that alligators are actually quite territorial and once they claim a certain area as their own that's where they spend much of their time. And no sooner had he spoken these words then we drifted right past one lurking in the high grass. He was so well camouflaged that we almost missed the picture.

Lurking....lurking...lurking....

We really weren't sure what to expect when it came to wildlife in the Everglades, especially the alligators; since it's such a vast area we thought our chances of seeing any more gators would be pretty slim, but before we knew it we saw one swimming towards the boat. We must have all looked really tasty because this guy followed us around for quite some time.

Look out - he's coming to getcha!

Eventually our gator buddy grew tired of waiting for someone to dangle a limb out over the water and he left us. We headed back through the sawgrass and lily pads in search of other wildlife. Sawgrass, by the way, is aptly named - our guide stopped to break off a piece and let everyone pass it around ... if you ran your hand from the bottom up to the top, it didn't feel any different from your standard blade of grass, but if you tried to run your hand from the top down to the base, you could feel the saw-like ridges all along the sides. It definitely would be easy to get cut up pretty bad by that stuff if you had to wade/crawl through it.

There were many other pictures that we took along the way but I'm only going to post a few more, otherwise this segment would never end! The Everglades were gorgeous and awe inspiring and maybe even a little scary ... it was way too easy to see how someone could get lost out there and never be heard from again.

Endless ...

Sawgrass - ouch!

Little flowers ...

Back on dry land we poked around the small picnic / waiting area and discovered more wildlife wandering through the parking lot and outside the gift shop. They were obviously used to having lots of people around to admire them.

Peacock!






All in all it was a fun morning ... great weather, good company, and we were stalked by an alligator! Jay and I agreed that we would definitely like to do something like this again some day. Once we arrived back at the resort there was just enough time for us to pop into the company's hospitality room and pick up even more gifts (a 14k lapel pin for Jay and a really cool custom beach bag with towels, baseball hats, and all kinds of beach necessities like lip balm, sunscreen, aloe vera lotion, etc.) before we ran upstairs to change clothes for our next excursion: cruising on the company yacht!!!

Stay tuned for Part II ... where we'll see firsthand how the other half of the other half lives and wonder out loud why we can't live that way too!