Cruising on an Airboat, a Yacht, and Some Darvocet ... Part II: The Yacht

August 23, 2008 - Thurston and Lovey Cruise the Intercoastal Waterway

We had just enough time to wash our faces and change clothes before scurrying back downstairs to the lobby to catch a ride for our next excursion ... a two-hour cruise on the company's newest (yeah, I said newest) yacht.

We snapped another self portrait before leaving the room:

Time to mingle with masses ...


Speaking of the room, this seems like a good time to talk a bit about our accommodations. We were housed in the oldest section of the resort - the Cloister - which is the original hotel that opened in 1926 with 100 guest rooms. It's nice, but in my opinion it's the public rooms and exterior that have been given the most loving care and upkeep over the years. As soon as we entered the wing where the guest rooms were located I noticed a slight mildewy odor. The carpets were stained in some areas, there were visible cracks in the walls and ceilings in some hallways, and the elevators were downright scary.

Our room was actually quite large, but seemed like it was missing some furniture. There was the bed, two nightstands, a desk, and then vast open space until the television and minibar showed up at the opposite end of the room. Jay and I think that this must have been a converted storage room or a suite that might have been split into two single rooms because the layout was so odd. The room was OK, but not nearly as nice as I had envisioned and it was obviously old and in need of some repair work, especially in the bathroom areas.

You may be wondering about the view since we were staying at such a lavish resort with extensive grounds. We were located on the cloister's third floor so I was hoping for a nice expanse of garden or maybe even the pool when I pulled the curtains back from the window.

Take a gander at our view ...

View from the left window ...


View from the right window...


There was a moment of stunned silence and then I turned to Jason and asked, "Who'd you piss off?"

We both had a good laugh at our own expense ... we travel all the way to south Florida for an exotic weekend at an historic, luxury resort and end up with this kind of view. This must be what happens when you're at the bottom of the anniversary celebrant totem pole - bwaaaahahahahaha! We quickly closed the curtains and left them closed for the duration of our stay.

Jay and I made our way down to the main lobby and milled about with other employees who were going to be taking the yacht tour with us. There was a bit of a transportation snafu because we couldn't all pile onto a tour bus to get to our destination - they had to line up a bunch of passenger vans to transport everyone in smaller groups. I had mistakenly thought that the yacht was moored at a marina somewhere, but it turned out that we were going to board the yacht at the owner's personal pier / boat dock directly on the Intercoastal Waterway.

While we waited for the transportation issues to be worked out Jay and I wandered the lobby and took a couple of pictures. This first one was taken from the back area of the lobby looking towards the front doors where everyone was waiting for a ride to the yacht.



A view through an archway into a conference area where the evening's festivities were going to be held.



A nice quiet little seating area...



Check out this stone pillar as I do my lazy Vanna White impersonation ...



We wandered back up front and noticed that they were loading the vans so we joined the queue, jammed ourselves into an 8-passenger van, and were whisked away on a 20-minute drive to the private dock. Imagine our surprise when we arrived and found a police officer verifying ID and checking names off the guest list. I wondered: do gate-crashers get hauled off to jail in south Florida?

The Gallant Lady is a 168-foot yacht and was just commissioned last year - it was so big that we couldn't get the whole thing into a single camera frame because we were so close.

We have got to get ourselves one of these!


The boarding process was a little slow because each person had to stop and be formally greeted by the company president - this is where those obnoxious name tags came in handy, otherwise the poor man wouldn't have known who he was talking to.

"Hello..." President squints and stares directly at name tag "... Jason. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"Hello..." President squints and stares directly where a name tag should be only to find it's not there and he's gawking at my not-very-gawk-worthy chest "...Jason's guest. Welcome."

We were then directed to smile pretty as a professional photographer hired for the occasion took a picture of us at the entrance to the yacht's main level. I don't know what happened to those pictures ... Jay said there's been no mention of them at the office and to the best of our knowledge they weren't available later in the evening. I'm a little bummed about this because there were a couple of shots he took of us during the tour that I would love to have and he took a few more at the reception that evening that I'd also like to get my hands on. Oh well, I'm sure they've already been relegated to Top Secret File 13-T.

We followed the crowd down a long hallway with gleaming wood paneling and marble floors until we emerged into a large family room ... no, a drawing room ... uh, no ... a wealthy person's room? Yeah, definitely a wealthy person's room. Hand-made seamless carpet, walnut and eucalyptus paneling, broad picture windows extending the length of the room, and a spiral staircase leading to guest rooms on the level below.

No amount of watching Travel Channel episodes of Super-Yachts and Luxury Mega-Yachts and You'll Never Have a Yacht as Big as Mine could have prepared us for the actual experience of walking onto this yacht and being treated as a valued guest. It was jaw-dropping and unreal; I began to feel as though Jay and I were Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel and his trashy wife Brandine paying a visit to rich Uncle Moneybags.

Since I really don't have the words to adequately describe this yacht, the first thing I'm going to do is give you some information taken directly from a fact sheet that we were given. The Gallant Lady is 168 feet long and it was launched in November 2006. It holds 19,100 US gallons of fuel and 4,400 US gallons of water; its top speed is 15 knots, cruising, and its range is 4,200 nautical miles - it has the capability to make transatlantic voyages and it has worldwide satellite communications. The exterior decks are all teak; the carpets are custom-made by Edward Fields (he makes the carpets for the white house - they're totally seamless); there are seventeen different granites and marbles and four different exotic woods that have been used extensively throughout the yacht's rooms; and last but not least it has a four-person glass elevator extending two decks - it's wrapped by a free-floating spiral staircase, has a marble inlaid floor, and a view out the two-story windows in the atrium.

The crew were offering guided tours of the yacht but before we could take advantage of the offer of one, a bunch of other folks jumped ahead of us. Eh, that's alright ... the big whigs hosting the afternoon told us we could go anywhere we wanted, so Jay and I decided to give ourselves a tour so that we could gawk in relative privacy. We took a fair number of pictures that don't do justice to the incredible beauty of this ship but I hope they'll give you a glimpse into what we were so fortunate to experience.

This first picture is of a portion of the main deck, aft of the drawing room that we first entered upon boarding the yacht. It was huge and had a gorgeous inlaid wood table that could seat up to 8 people for a meal. The deck also had built-in seating with deep, comfy cushions - I could have curled up back there with a darvocet and a good book and whiled away the rest of the afternoon.



We wandered back inside and decided to move to another level, taking the spiral staircase from the main level to the Owner's Deck. For a moment I felt like we shouldn't be barging into the Master Suite ... I mean, it is someone's bedroom and that's a private place, but one of the big whigs suddenly popped in and told us to wander freely and oooooh and aaaaaaaah to our heart's content. Well, you don't have to tell me twice!

I would love to have a master suite like this at home, let alone on a yacht! This space was stunning ... awash with bright yellows and gold, light wood, and plenty of natural light from the windows. For all that it was such an elegant setting it felt very warm and welcoming; there was nothing formal or stuffy about it at all. This room also had an unbelievable bathroom, and a private aft deck with a small dining area and a whirlpool.

First up ... the master suite.



This next picture is a shot looking directly down the bathroom hallway. The bathroom was huge and included dressing areas, wardrobes, his-and-her toilets, a walk-in shower, and a solarium with a pantry. There was extensive use of golden marble, warm, light wood, and etched, color-changing glass accents. We only took the one picture because we both felt sort of weird taking pictures of a bathroom, even if it was larger and more expensive than our house.



Another picture of the master suite and a view out of the windows...



The whirlpool on the owner's private deck.



This deck also had plenty of built-in seating and these nooks were so comfortable, so deep, and so plush that I promptly decided I'd rather stay here with a different good book and another darvocet for the length of the cruise and maybe even for the rest of my life. Just forward the mail and ship my laptop via Federal Express ... I can work from anywhere as long as I have access to a secure broadband network.

That big whig guy who I think was following us around to make sure that we didn't stow away in a closet or steal a priceless family heirloom offered to take a picture of Jay and me lounging on the owner's deck. Look at how deep these built-in cushie areas are!



We lounged back there for a little while and then decided to go back inside to cool off and finish our exploration. Taking yet another staircase, Jay and I found ourselves standing in the middle of the wheelhouse on the bridge deck. Poking around all that technical navigational stuff was fascinating and perching in one of the captain's chairs was really cool, but led to a fundamental question ... who the hell is steering the yacht since we're moving and no one's here but us???



Turns out there's a fifth deck called the Fly-Bridge and the captain or whatever he's called was guiding our passage from up there. We know this because we ultimately made our way up to check it out, but pictures of that will be coming later. Jay and I were distracted by an empty lot which we're seriously considering purchasing as soon as we find a spare $5 million under our sofa cushions. It backs to the Intercoastal Waterway but look beyond the far treeline and you can see the Atlantic Ocean. That's some prime real estate baby, and the former owners thoughtfully left a tree behind to help with future landscaping needs.



Here's a picture of the Gallant Lady's bow, where many of us hung out to enjoy the scenery and the breeze. This is located on the yacht's main deck - directly behind it is the dining room.



When we first walked into the dining room ... er, dining salon, sorry ... it sort of reminded us of pictures we've seen of various rooms in the White House. It has a bit of a presidential feel, don't you think?



It's not the best picture ... it doesn't really give a good idea of just how large the space is or how panoramic a view is provided by all those windows that look out over the bow. The table can expand to seat up to fourteen guests, the ceiling above the table is coffered, and the hand-made carpet is sky blue with gold-colored accents.

From here we wandered to the lowest level of the yacht - the aft section of this level is where the guest rooms are located while the crew's quarters are located forward on the same deck. Oh yeah, the crew ... the Gallant Lady has a crew of 14 - I'd like to know how to become their cruise director / menu planner. Does anyone here know where I should send my resume'?

Let me tell you about the guest rooms ... there were four of them and they all opened up to a fabulous foyer with lots of marble and gorgeous wood paneling. The bedrooms were mirror images of each other, the only difference being that two rooms held twin beds and two rooms held queen beds. Each room had its own luxurious bathroom with massive amounts of marble, even in the showers. I thought these rooms were cozy and comfortable ... I even tried out the furniture in case I needed a nap later in the day. ;-)




All this relaxing and casual elegance was making us hungry so we went back upstairs to the main salon in the hopes of finding some hoovers doovers to munch on. Success!! We found a newly delivered platter of sushi ... mmmm, California Rolls!



It didn't seem like too many of our fellow cruisers were sushi fans, the end result being that Jay and I probably demolished half of this tray on our own. We thought it was really tasty - those other people don't know what they were missing.

Various crew members were circulating the entire time with platters of hot, yummy snackables. We really didn't have a chance to take pictures of them, in part because we didn't want to get in anyone else's way but also because those people were like a swarm of locusts every time a crew member showed up with a tray. Jay and I tried to do the polite thing and hang back, waiting for the tray to come to us, but we lost our patience when a particularly tasty tray of raspberry brie puffs stopped at a couple standing right next to us - there were just two puffs left and rather than do the courteous thing and take one and leave the other for us, they took both of them and wandered off. The crew member was left holding an empty tray for Jay and me to admire; he aplogized but it wasn't his fault - he can't stop people from being inconsiderate.

Eventually we moved to a different area of the yacht and then suddenly all these crew members started materializing with full trays of food. We hit the hoover doovers jackpot! So let me think ... what did we get to try? Here's a list: warm brie topped with raspberry and wrapped in a puff pastry (so effing good); deep fried artichoke hearts stuffed with cream cheese; 'lil pigs-in-a-blanket; lobster spring rolls; mini crab cakes; bacon wrapped scallops; mini quiches (bacon, spinich, cheese); shrimp toasts; bruschetta; chicken waldorf; fresh fruit and veggies; sesami chicken. There was also a selection of desserts: chocolate creme puffs; canoli; mini fruit tarts; chocolate coconut truffle - we think that there were probably more desserts, but we spent the last part of the trip seated at the very top of the yacht where the captain was steering and missed out on some additional sweets.

Speaking of the very top of the yacht ... the Fly-Bridge ... here's a picture we took looking out over the back of the yacht from a built-in love seat. We loved sitting up there ... the views were spectacular and the breeze was very refreshing and the crowd was small so it was quite peaceful.



This is the front of the Fly-Bridge, where you can see the covered seating area and the captain's chair.



From our vantage point on the Fly Bridge, we were able to gawk at all the incredible homes lining the Intercoastal Waterway. Look at this one ... yeah, one. It was so large that we had to take two pictures.




This is the drawbridge that had to be raised and lowered and raised and lowered all day long for the Gallant Lady to make her voyage.



These next three pictures are of the home of the family that owns the company, as well as their boathouse and the yacht's dinghy.





This is another view of the Intercoastal Waterway from the back of the yacht.



Here are a couple of pics of Jay and me practicing our "how do you like our yacht" poses.




More pictures of homes that we will never be able to afford ...






This is a picture that was taken just before security pulled us kicking and screaming from the yacht ... Jay and me posing in the Fly-Bridge, wishing with all our hearts that we could stay forever.



So, what did we think? That was absolutely one of the coolest things we've ever had the chance to do. But it was also a little depressing. I mean, I've always suspected that the other half lives pretty high off the hog but now I've got actual confirmation from personal experience. Until this moment I never really believed that ignorance was bliss. ;-)

We climbed back into the vans and headed back to the resort so that we could clean up for the big fancy dinner the company was hosting that night. Along the way Jay and I wondered aloud what we were doing wrong in our lives that we weren't, as yet, able to afford a yacht. We determined that since neither of us were members of the lucky sperm donor club (people who are in line to inheirit lots of money), and neither of us were so career driven that we stood to earn lots of money on our own, the only choice left us was to win a very, very, very large Powerball jackpot.

C'mon lucky numbers!!!