This Storm Should Have Been Named Fey ... Part II

August 22, 2008 - Weathering the Storm, Whiling the Time, and Wishing for a Non-Stop Flight on Southwest Airlines.

We knew enough to know that our flight from Atlanta to Ft. Lauderdale was going to be a bumpy one, but it never occurred to either of us that our arrival would be delayed or that our flight would be diverted. Jay and I have been fortunate over the years to never suffer with a travel delay; well, except for that one time we traveled to Vegas with the Grimace but we never speak of that ...

I thank Southwest Airlines and lots of non-stop flights for our good travels over the years ... that, and plain dumb luck.

Welcome to the afternoon when our luck ran out.

The flight took off on time and while we waited for the plane to reach cruising altitude, I passed the time by paging through SkyMall Magazine. I love SkyMall ... they always have something utterly ridiculous that never fails to crank up my laugh-o-meter. And this time was no exception.

I came across a product called The Pet Peek, marketed as a clear, acrylic fence porthole for Fido so that he can always see if the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence. The product picture gave me a raging case of the giggles that escalated into a fit of the squeaks culminating in helpless tears. I'm sure most of the people on that plane thought I was insane and pitied Jay for being saddled with a travel-addled wife, but I ask ... what would you have done when confronted with this?

Dog Porthole!


Shortly after I managed to calm myself, our pilot announced that due to severe turbulence the crew would not be coming around the cabin to provide drink service. This didn't bother us too much since the flight was only supposed to last for about 90 minutes. Unfortunately, about an hour later our pilot then announced that because of severe storms in the Ft. Lauderdale area we were going to be in a holding pattern for about 30 minutes while waiting to see if the weather would clear enough for us to land. Twenty minutes later he announced that the weather still sucked (we could see that just by looking out the windows) and oh, by the way, we're running low on fuel so we're going to land in Fort Myers and gas up at the local Mobil Station.

I don't know about you, but when I'm in an airplane zipping along 30,000 feet above Mother Earth the last thing I want to hear is "we're low on fuel." It does not inspire confidence. I looked over at Jay and quoted my favorite line from this past season of The Next Food Network Star, "Down, down, down ... we're all going down."

Welcome to bustling Fort Myers where all of one plane is sitting on the tarmac and there's no gate agent and the airport auxiliary generator isn't working which means there will be no air conditioning while we wait to get the hell out of here. Initially we were told that no one would be allowed to de-plane because the pilot might be given clearance to take off and resume our flight at a moment's notice and it would take too long to get everyone back on the plane. But after thirty minutes of very stuffy waiting we were suddenly informed that we could get off the plane and stretch our legs but we were also advised not to stray too far from the gate since our window of opportunity to take off might be a small one and we would need to be able to depart quickly. The reason we were suddenly being allowed to de-plane is that the Fort Lauderdale airport had been shut down because of extremely bad weather and no one knew when it was going to open back up to traffic.

If I have a criticism of the Delta crew during our ... adventure ... it is this: three hundred people stuck on a plane with no air conditioning in South Florida and none of them have had anything to drink for at least two hours - it might have been a thoughtful and considerate gesture to provide the beverage service that was canceled during the flight. But by the time that light bulb went on for the crew and they started handing out little paper cups of water, half the passengers had shuffled off the plane and were lined up at a bar that just happened to be located directly across from our gate.

Jay and I by-passed the bar for a bathroom break and a couple of laps around the gate. The line at the bar stretched halfway back across the concourse walkway and I'm pretty sure every single one of those people were headed to the celebration in Boca Raton. We heard later from some of Jay's co-workers that the guy tending bar was a class-A dickhead who complained about having to wait on all of these people and subsequently served almost none of them because he was too busy grousing about having to do his job. Bad move on his part because all of these folks had vacation money to burn courtesy of the company and had Bartender Badittude just smiled and dispensed some alcohol to the best of his ability under less than ideal circumstances he probably would have been the recipient of some good tips.

Well, here's my tip for you, outraged reader: the next time you're in Concourse C at the Fort Myers International Airport give that surly guy tending bar at the Dewar's Clubhouse the one-finger salute. Besides, Dewar's doesn't produce single malt scotch ... their stuff is blended and everyone knows that blended whisky is crap, so you're not missing anything if you don't stop there anyway!

Look, it's our plane stuck at the gate in Ft. Myer ...


Jay poses in the concourse ... see the line at Dewar's?


A fortunate handful of people were able to cajole a glass of wine or a cup of beer from Surly McBeverage and had just settled down in the air conditioned comfort of the spacious seating area to enjoy their drinks when an announcement was made for everyone to re-board the plane. So we lined up and proceeded to ever so slowly make our way back on to the still stuffy and warm airplane. And then we continued to wait at the gate ... turns out the Ft. Myers airport only had one ground crew working and they were busy pushing another plane away from its gate. Jay and I started snickering at this point and I don't know who said it first, but one of us mentioned that it would sure be funny if just as we were getting ready to finally leave we found out that Ft. Lauderdale was being hit by more storms and their airport was closed again.

We waited about 15 minutes before the ground crew pushed the plane away from the gate ... as an interesting aside I learned that planes don't go in reverse. I never really thought about it before this never-ending travel day of discovery; I just knew that a plane had to get from the gate to the runway and if it can go forward and it can go up and it can go down, it seemed reasonable to assume that it could go backwards, too. Turns out I'm not only wrong but really funny, too.

So, we taxied out to the runway and were next in line to take off and then we sat ... and sat ... and sat some more. Our friendly neighborhood pilot suddenly announced that another batch of storms had rolled into Ft. Lauderdale and the airport was closed again. At this point Jay and I both started laughing because there wasn't much point in getting mad or upset and the entire situation was getting more and more ridiculous. Besides, if we started thinking about how it was approaching six o'clock and the cocktail party was just beginning and we were all obviously going to be late for dinner we probably would have started to cry, or at least I would have started to cry because my pain medication had worn off and I couldn't take another one without food or I'd end up hurling all over the cabin. We probably spent another 15-20 minutes waiting to take off and killed the time by making fun of the situation and snapping a self-portrait.

You two are having entirely too much fun for being stuck on an aircraft for nearly five hours.


Finally the plane started to move again and we took off, headed, so we thought, for our elusive final destination. Do you want to hazard a guess as to what happened next?

That's right.

It was time for another cockpit communique from our fearless, talkative pilot. Turns out there were a lot of planes trying to land at the Ft. Lauderdale airport at the same time and even though we were more than three hours behind our scheduled arrival time those other planes were going to be allowed to land before us. We were being diverted south, over the tip of America's wang, and out into the vast angry skies with nothing but the foamy, boiling ocean below to break our fall once we ran out of fuel. And considering the kind of afternoon it had been I fully expected the plane to crash or spontaneously combust or be commandeered by the Babies in Arms.

Actually, on our return flight north from the ocean back to Ft. Lauderdale we got a pretty good aerial tour of the Everglades and both Jay and I commented that we hoped the plane wouldn't nose-dive and crash down there 'cause it was one nasty looking, desolate place.

Believe it or not, we finally landed in pouring rain about 7PM that evening, almost three-and-a-half hours late. Oh, but no no no no no no!!!! We weren't late; we weren't even delayed! The airlines are allowed to classify any flight as "on-time" as long as the reason for its late-not-lateness is weather related. Wow - that's a sweet deal! I'm going to try that on my boss the next time I'm late for work because it's raining or snowing or a bridge over the Missouri River has collapsed.

"You're late."

"Oh, no; I'm not late. I'm the unfortunate victim of Mother Nature's capriciousness. In fact, you should be glad that I managed to get here at all and I think I deserve a 10% raise for making the effort. And by the way, I'm also implementing a fuel surcharge for my daily drive - you'll be getting a bill at the end of the week."

I'll be sure to let you all know how that works out for me.

We made our way down to baggage claim where the poor people from "Hello FL Tours" had no doubt been waiting for hours - they were hired by the company to handle transportation to and from the airport as well as transportation for the weekend excursions that were being offered. They tried to make things as easy as possible but let's face it, no one was really in a good mood at this point.

Jay grabbed our suitcase and tossed it on to one of the big ol' luggage carts that the transportation folks had gathered and then we were herded outside into the steamy FL evening to wait for the buses to show up. Why they weren't already waiting there for us is a question that falls into the answer / answerless category. Sometimes it's best just not to ask.

Eventually two massive touring buses pulled up to the curb and as soon as I saw our suitcase tossed carelessly into the yawning storage cavern of one of them Jay and I were boarding a bus faster than you can say "I feel like I'm at WDW." And thanks to years of Disney training we headed for the very back of the bus rather than crowding in with everyone else up front. As a result we were able to stretch out with lots of space and breathing room.

All Aboard!

Tired, but still smiling and cute!


We had a hair-raising ride in rain-slowed rush hour traffic that lasted about twenty minutes and then we arrived at the Boca Raton Beach & Yacht Club. Full kudos to the staff there who must have been alerted that 150 tired, greasy, sweaty, hungry, and thirsty Stinktowners were on the way to check-in. They must have had at least ten people behind the desk making the process as smooth and efficient as they could and within ten minutes were had a room key and were waiting in another line to nab the company welcome packet that included our itinerary for the weekend as well as an extra $75 in spending money from the company. Woo hoo! Somebody find us a bar!

The bar actually had to wait ... we wanted to find our room and change clothes and then get back downstairs to the picked over buffet. Since there really wasn't time to clean up neither one of us changed into the nice clothes that we had brought with us to wear for the first night's dinner. I admit to feeling very conspicuous showing up in a t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts. And hey, Miss Blond Bombshell Who Was Perfectly Put Together And Giving My Ensemble The Giant Eyeball, you try traveling for 12 straight hours and looking as not unpresentable as I do!

We did not take any pictures of the food spread this first night - it was already past 8PM and the buffet was spread out over several tables in a very large ballroom. The last thing I wanted to do was disrupt anyone's attempt to get food, especially since some of those poor folks hadn't eaten during the Atlanta layover. The theme for the evening seemed to be a South Florida cook-out kinda thing ... they had glazed chicken boobs, braised beef, Cajun shrimp, strip steak, whole lobsters, tamales, weird vegetables, all kinds of salads mixed with all sorts of stuff, and a dessert table with a vast array of completely unappealing offerings that included key lime pie, black forest cake, some kind of triple chocolate dried out cake, and an unidentifiable purple something or other. Jay nabbed a bit of everything including a lobster that the staff shelled for him ... I tried some of it and it wasn't bad (I'm not a huge lobster eater), but I was actually at a point that I call "past the point of hunger." This happens to me sometimes when we travel ... if I don't eat when I first start to get the rumbly tummies I eventually get to a point where I'm no longer hungry, unbelievable though that may sound to those of you who have seen me eat. In this case I think my lack of appetite can be attributed to fatigue ... I was tired and my back hurt and none of the food was appealing and I really was tired of sitting. Wah Wah Wah!

We shared a table with some people that Jay knew and traded travel woe stories with them ... we found out that as annoying and frustrating as our day had been, there were still some employees from Mobile who hadn't arrived at the resort thanks to Fay. And the next day we discovered that three employees from Jacksonville who were all celebrating 35-year anniversaries with the company were unable to make the weekend at all thanks to that same fickle weather bitch that gave the rest of us so much trouble. That really put things in perspective - at least we made it and were able to take full advantage of the programming on Saturday. Luckily, company management promised that those three employees would be attending the anniversary celebration next summer and that they would all be compensated in other ways, as well. Generous, generous people ... not such a common thing in the corporate world these days.

Before heading back to our room for the night Jay and I strolled around the resort a bit - first we took this picture for our cruise friends on the DIS who all walked to the southernmost point of the US while they were in Key West last October. Jay's company brought the marker to Boca Raton and we were finally able to get a picture of it! OK, I know this isn't the real marker from Key West, but humor us ... we'd been up for something like 18 hours when we took this picture.

There's no mango margarita, but at least we didn't have to walk a mile in 95-degree heat to find this!

And we stopped in the lobby to take a picture of the massive stone fireplace. The silence and absolute absence of hotel personnel was stunning ... they probably all needed a break after dealing with that noisy herd of Stinktown business travelers.

Can we roast marshmallows tonight?


As we continued wandering around the hotel, which is very much reminiscent of a Spanish palace (not that I've ever seen one other than in my fertile imagination) we admired the architecture and the relaxed elegance of the furnishings. And then we happened across a little place right inside the marina called Bar Luna. It caught my eye because of the number of single malt scotches on display. I stopped to look at the menu and the bartender was very friendly and ended up having a scotch session with us for a few minutes as we debated what we would like to try. Once we decided on a personal favorite - the Macallan 12-year single malt - our friend Bill poured us each three shots of scotch and charged us for one. I mean he filled those glasses to the brim ... oh, Bill, you rogue! Of course we'll come back tomorrow night to try that other scotch, especially if you're going to be manning the bar.

The rain had finally stopped and although it was a very humid evening we thought it was lovely and sat ourselves on a bench overlooking the marina enjoying the fresh air and the silence, apart from the gentle clinking of ice cubes swimming in scotch. And then some noisy smokers turned up and we took that as our cue to head back to the room and wash the accumulated travel grime from Stinktown, Atlanta, Ft. Myers, and Ft. Lauderdale from our tired bodies. I have a bad habit of always reading the room sevice menu and when I saw that they had a kobe beef burger available I suggested to my lovey hubby that if he ordered one while I was taking a bath I'd give him half!

Their room service staff must not have had much to do that evening because the order showed up really quickly and before long Jay and I were perched at the foot of the bed watching the Olympics and munching on a Kobe Beef Burger with Farm House Cheddar Fondue and Fries.

A Table just for two ...

Mmmmmm, nothing like a late night burger with your scotch and your darvocet!


This was a really tasty burger and the cheese spread was good, although it had the consistency of mashed potatoes in my opinion. The fries were hot and crispy and while I confess myself disappointed to see that our condiment selection included ketchup, mayonnaise, and dijon mustard but not cheap yellow mustard, that cheese spread was quite good with the fries!

All in all a yummy end to a very long day. We called it a night soon afterwards, knowing that the day ahead of us was going to start early and be chock full of new experiences.

This Storm Should Have Been Named Fey ... Part I

August 22, 2008 - Anything You Can Plan, I Can Plan Better; I Can Plan Anything Better Than You!

I don't believe in omens, portents, or auguries ... the only foreshadowing that I subscribe to is of a literary nature. And yet, I must confess that between the schizophrenic and excruciatingly slow travels of Tropical Storm Fay and my visit to the doctor for treatment of another urinary tract infection and a strained sacroiliac joint, I was already wondering if this weekend trip courtesy of Jay's employer might not turn out to be something of a bust.

I was also less than thrilled about our travel arrangements. Because the company uses a corporate travel service we were all booked as a group on Delta Airlines. I have nothing personal against Delta, they seem like a fine airline all things considered and were actually quite pleasant to deal with during our travels, but Delta doesn't fly non-stop from St. Louis to Ft. Lauderdale, which is where we were headed with about 150 other employees and their significant others. Whenever possible Jay and I try to book non-stop flights, especially to Florida. And the thing that annoyed me the most about our arrangements was that Southwest Airlines was offering a non-stop, round-trip flight for half the cost of the Delta flights, which included a two-hour layover in Atlanta on both of our travel days. Apparently logic and convenience don't apply in the corporate travel world, but as Jay reminded me ... this trip was free and it would probably be a good idea for me to take another darvocet and call it a chill pill. After all, we would never have visited the Boca Raton Beach & Yacht Club or been able to do the really cool things we did on this trip without the generosity of his company and their employee anniversary program. So among the standard items that we packed for our weekend getaway, I made sure to include a healthy dose of gratitude, patience, and good humor.

Our day began bright and early at 5AM; we cleaned up quickly, finished packing, told the kitty goodbye, warned him that Stinky Grandma would be coming to check on him in our absence, and were out the door by 6:15AM headed for Stinktown International Airport. Although our flight wasn't scheduled to leave until 8:45AM, we know Stinktown traffic well enough to know that leaving the house early is way better than leaving at a reasonable time only to miss the flight because we got stuck in twenty miles of traffic due to rain, wind, sunlight, fog, cloudiness, overturned sugar trucks, wild animal attacks along the highway's shoulder, or alien invasion. You may think that I exaggerate the overall cussedness of Stinktown traffic, but I don't. In general, people here (and I guess that includes Jay and me, too) are craptacular drivers who seem to go out of their way to create a traffic backlog whenever possible.

Thankfully the traffic gods smiled on us and we found ourselves waiting in line at at the Delta self-service kiosk just before 7AM, and it was a good thing, too, because here's where the day started to get a bit wonky and it continued to wobble and wonk for the next twelve hours. While waiting in line I asked the Delta "helper man" what we needed to do since we already had paper tickets. He told us to swipe a credit card into the kiosk and the computer would locate the name on our reservation and all would be right with the world. We tried to explain that we hadn't actually made this reservation and we sure as hell hadn't paid for it with any of our credit cards but he insisted in a rather toneless voice that it didn't matter.

Alrighty, Mr. Roboto, but I'm telling you this ain't gonna work.

Jay inserted his credit card, pushed a few on-screen buttons as directed, and was promptly told by the computer system that it could not locate our reservation.

Oh my, what a surprise; we never would have seen that coming. ;-)

To his credit, Mr. Roboto Helper-Monkey Man was right there to make us do the whole thing again under his watchful eye because we'd obviously screwed something up while trying to check-in on our own. After determining that perhaps Jay and I weren't as stupid as he'd first thought, he then whipped out his high-level encrypted supervisor card and tried to over-ride the computer.

**Snicker**

That didn't work either.

**Snicker**

We finally had to ask for the help of one of the agents behind the counter who performed a reservation search and rescue mission only to find that all 150 people from Stinktown traveling to Ft. Lauderdale via Atlanta were lumped into one group reservation. She had to extract us from the group before we could get our boarding passes, but once that was completed we had only to make our way to the security checkpoint, get the TSA stamp of approval, nab a couple of lattes and a few breakfast munchies from Starbucks (gotta love gift cards from Grimace), and hurry up and wait.

While we watched the incessant CNN coverage of Tropical Storm Fay AKA I'm Gonna Ruin Your Travel Plans No Matter Where You're Headed, more and more of Jay's co-workers shuffled in. For me it was a bit of a strange experience because I used to work at this same company ... I started there before Jay did and had I stayed we would have celebrated my 10-year anniversary there last year. However, during a rather bad time for the company my department / function was eliminated and there just wasn't anywhere else for me to go than out the door and into the waiting arms of three, no, four other companies. I didn't expect so many people to remember me and they were all super-nice which means I must have left on good terms or more likely they were being friendly because they all hold Jason in such high regard.

We must give some kudos to Delta for relatively friendly service and for making announcements in the terminal that not only could be heard but were actually distinguishable as being spoken in English. And thanks to these easy to hear / understand announcements we became aware of something that Delta calls Baby in Arms. This is actually for parents traveling with infants who are too young to be ticketed - mom or dad's ticket indicates that she or he has a small person traveling with them with the boarding pass designation called Baby in Arms.

Jay and I, of course, turned this into a running joke for the next three hours creating a shared vision of a vast army of diaper clad, beret wearing infants sporting bandoliers and toy machine guns. We imagined the germ warfare department headed up by a croupy little guy wearing thick, horn-rimmed glasses while the poison gas division fell under the supervision of the insidious Baby Blatt, best known for a particularly ripe brand of flatulence which he credits to large servings of dried fruit. And worst of all, the psychological warfare group with its focus on sleep deprivation led by the diabolical Sherry "The Screech Owl" Sugarland, who currently holds the infant crying jag world record at 18 hours, 47 minutes, and 24 seconds and whose cries have been recorded at decibel levels higher than that of a jet engine.

Tremble in fear, oh intrepid travelers, for when you hear the wail of an infant on your next Delta flight, the Babies in Arms aren't far behind!

Luckily we were spared the horrors of the infant army on the first leg of our journey, and a good thing, too, because the plane we were on was tiny. Our seats were in row 12 and that just happened to be the last row in the plane. I have never flown on an aircraft as small as this one but according to Jay, who has flown in teeny little puddlejumpers, this plane was downright spacious. We had an uneventful flight to Atlanta, and spent our time snickering about the Baby in Arms program and devising an eating plan for October's trip to Walt Disney World.

Upon arrival in Atlanta we noticed how very windy the weather had become, in part because we had to exit the wee little plane right there on the tarmac and push our way into the edge of the terminal. We had two hours to kill before our next flight so there was plenty of time for us to make our way back to the more civilized areas of Hartsfield Jackson Airport (which I mistakenly called Hartsdale in an earlier post). If I have a favorite airport I think it may be this one ... it's spacious, it's clean, it's filled with tasty food options, and it has a cool little subway system to whisk passengers to the appropriate concourse, of which I think there are six.

We made our way to the A-concourse where our next flight would board and stopped at the Sam Adams Brew House for some lunch. Their menu was a bit limited, but they were in a pretty small spot right next to the gate so I suppose it's unreasonable to expect an extensive list of items from which to choose. And who cares anyway when they have beer on tap?! I ordered a standard cheeseburger and a Sam Adams Summer Ale while Jason ordered the lime infused chicken and brie sandwich with a Boston Lager. Sorry, no pictures this time ... it was pretty close quarters in there and neither one of us wanted to dig around in my backpack for a camera. The food was good, though, considering that we were in an airport; nothing to get too excited about but it really hit the spot and considering the adventure ahead of us it was a good thing we stopped for sustenance.

By the time we finished eating and headed over to the gate they were already in the process of boarding. Talk about a day of contrasts ... from the teeny little paper mache airplane that brought us from St. Louis we were now entering the vast belly of a 757; this plane had 50 rows, six seats per row, and handy little televisions hanging overhead that were used to bore everyone with airline safety procedures. Too bad they didn't just turn on the Weather Channel instead - at least then we would had some warning of what was to come ...

The Boca Raton Beach & Yacht Club

The Anniversary Weekend or Traveling on the Company Dollar (8/22/08-8/24/08)

Jay's company does some nice things for its employees ... the benefit of working for a highly successful, privately owned business in the good ol' USofA where most employers refer to their workers as human capital. Gee, thanks ... lemme get my gray coveralls out of the dryer and where the hell is my metal lunchbox, comrade?

One of the really nice things this company does is take its employees who are celebrating 10, 15, 20, 25-year, etc. anniversaries with them on a weekend getaway to the Boca Raton Beach & Yacht Club. The whole trip is on the company and employees are allowed to bring one guest. Aren't I lucky that Jay asked me to come along?

Employees and their guests are allowed to choose two excursions that are sponsored and paid for by the company. We chose the following:

Everglades Airboat Tour: You and your guest will witness nature's wonders all around you while gliding over a river of grass in an airboat! Climb aboard the state-of-the-art, covered passenger airboats for an unforgettable experience in the Florida Everglades. The airboat tour is brought into focus by experienced guides who point out the highlights along the trip. These include the history of the Everglades and fascinating facts about the unique flora and fauna found there. Special stops are made along the way where you will see exotic birds, and even alligators, just feet from the boat!

Gallant Lady Intracoastal Cruise: You and your guest will have the opportunity to take a leisurely cruise aboard the 168-foot Gallant Lady. Spend time visiting with fellow associates while enjoying hoovers-doovers (thanks Lori!) and refreshments.

A note about the Gallant Lady ... it's owned by the company.

The company owns more than one yacht.

Goddamn - that's plush!

The rest of the schedule involves group pictures, two cocktail hours, and two banquets. There won't be a chance for us to visit the spa or lounge at the pool or stuff our stomachs at some of the many, varied dining options at the Boca Resort. We've already decided that if we really like the looks of the place and its amenities that we may come back in May 2009 and celebrate out 10th wedding anniversary here.

Some other nice things that the company is doing: each employee has been given a $100 Visa gift card to cover the cost of potential baggage fees being charged by airlines that are too stupid to know how to operate profitably in good economic times, let alone during a recession; all employees will also receive a $75 food allowance for the weekend (in our case that should be just enough to cover coffee and excess booze); transportation to and from the airport is being provided, all tips and gratuities have been pre-paid, there is a massive breakfast buffet each morning of our stay, and the company is hosting a hospitality room that will be open throughout the entire weekend where free food and drinks will be in ample supply.

Oh, and they totally overpaid for our airfare, which is probably the only "complaint" that I have about the whole setup. Not only are they flying us out of Stinktown on Delta, but it's not even a direct or non-stop flight. We get to spend two hours hanging out in Hartsdale International Airport in Atlanta. There are definitely worse airports to waste time in, but the anal travel planner in me gets annoyed when I realize that we could fly non-stop to Fort Lauderdale on Southwest for half the cost of what the company has spent on the tickets we have.

The above paragraph is the reason that I don't use travel agents. I'm a control freak when it comes to travel and by Gawd no one can plan better than I can. If I come across a corporate travel schmo next weekend I'm going to tactfully (for me) point out how I could have saved the company more than $500 on airfare while I had a second browser window opened on my computer at work yesterday as I underwrote a loan request for nine million dollars.

It's true ... I'm just that good at multi-tasking. ;-)

Stay tuned for pictures and reviews from our Boca getaway ... we leave in 10 days!!!

We're Melting, Melting!! Ohhhhh, What a Restaurant!!

The Melting Pot, Town & Country, MO (August 2, 2008)

For some reason I got it into my head that Jay and I had to go out to dinner (ya know, like a date) after our cheese pairing at Whole Foods. And since we've never been to the Melting Pot by ourselves this seemed like a good opportunity to do so. I booked a table for 8:30 PM just to give us some extra time, but we arrived about 30 minutes early and so were forced (wink wink) to wait in the bar until our table was ready. And you all know how hard it is not to order a drink when hanging out in a bar, especially a bar with a tasty martini menu.

Jay ordered something called Like it Dirty. A classic martini with a spicy twist, this drink was made with Pepper Vodka, Dry Vermouth, olive juice, and horseradish & blue cheese stuffed olives. I opted for a Pomegranate Cosmo which was made with PAMA Pomegranate Liqueur, SKYY Citrus Vodka, and cranberry juice.

That's Bond ... Pedro Bond.

I love to match my drink with my dress!

We ordered the Big Night Out which included cheese fondue, salad, entree with cooking broth, and decadent chocolate fondue to finish the night. The meal began with a Caribbean Cheese Fondue - Gouda and Gran Queso cheeses blended with fresh garlic and sweet and spicy Peppadew peppers topped off with scallions and a zest of fresh lime. For dippage we were given a bowl of bread, a bowl of cut up Granny Smith apples, and a bowl of raw veggies - carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower.

Jay and I both thought this was a very good cheese fondue choice - it was a little on the sweet side because of the peppadews but hints of garlic and spice popped out every now and then. The fondue was tasty with the bread but it was terrific with the apple - the sourness of the Grannies meshed really well with the sweetness of the cheese mixture and ended up being the surprise winner of our cheesy fondue course.

What's a peppadew, anyway?


Dippin' stuff...


Although I don't usually eat a lot of salad since the Crohn goblin doesn't like it, I did go ahead and order one since it came with the meal. The Melting Pot's House Salad includes crisp greens, Roma tomatoes, cucumbers, eggs, and Emmenthaler Swiss cheese. I requested the dressing on the side. They only offer one dressing and that's a house dressing which is a sweet / tangy thang that I didn't care for too much, but I'm not a fan of dressings and sauces for the most part anyway. I picked at this and then had our server box it up so Jay could eat it for lunch the following day.

A heaping, healthy plate of intestinal distress ...


Jay chose the Tropical Salad - crisp romaine and field greens, fresh tomatoes, mangos, and hearts of palm with a light creamy citrus dressing and a touch of coconut encrusted cashews. The hubba said that this was very good and he thought the mangos added a nice hint of sweetness.

A tropical delight in Stinktown...


This might be a good time to mention that we each ordered a glass of wine with dinner. Excessive? Perhaps, but why stop drinking now? I ordered one of my all time favorite white wines: Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio. This is a medium bodied wine with a clean aroma and a slight aftertaste of golden delicious apples, which probably explains why I like this wine so much - I loves me some golden delicious apples! My lovey ordered a glass of Nobilo Sauvignon Blanc (New Zealand) and pronounced it very tasty indeed. He said that there were a lot of citrus overtones to this wine and it had a very clean taste.

For our cooking broth we chose Mojo Jojo Style - Caribbean-seasoned bouillon with distinctive flavors of fresh garlic with a citrus flair. It sounded really good and it was tasty but at the end of the day it was too strong for my taste and it seemed like it really warred with some of the items on our entree plate. Jay enjoyed this one more than I did, but he agreed that it seemed at odds with some of the meats that were part of our entree. At the end of the evening I was glad we tried something different but in retrospect I wished we'd chosen the Coq au Vin cooking method, which includes a burgundy wine base with fresh herbs, garlic, spices and even the dreaded mushroom.

Stewing the Mojo ...


For the entree to cook in the broth we chose the Fondue Fusion - Lobster Tail, Filet Mignon Medallion, Jerk Seasoned Sirloin, Vanilla Rum Chicken, Marinated Pork Tenderloin, Zesty Peppered Shrimp, Butternut Squash Ravioli, and Fresh Vegetables.

Plate of meat and some sauces and such ...


An aerial view of the entree ... lots of stuff to boil in the broth!


Now the Mojo has really got it going on!


Feel like being healthy? Boil a few veggies!


For dessert we chose the Yin & Yang - half dark chocolate and half white chocolate, artfully swirled for a perfect balance of flavors. But we were bold and substituted milk chocolate for the white ... oh it was so good!

Yummmmmmmmm ...


We were given a plate of dippers to soak up all that lovely chocolate that included fresh strawberries, bananas, cheesecake, brownies, marshmallows, and pound cake. My favorites were the cheesecake and the brownies. I'm not usually a big fan of marshmallows, but there's something about dipping one into a warm, double chocolate bath that makes it taste ever-so-scrumptious!

Just one plate?


And how on earth, given my recent addiction to the stuff, could we not order a glass of port to go along with our dessert? I chose a glass of Sandeman's 20-year Tawny Port, and despite the picture below, I did share with Jason. This port receives a 91-point rating from Wine Spectator (I looked it up just for you!) and is a well-aged tawny with tastes of honey, nuts, and orange. It's sweet and smooth and delightful!

If I give you the port, what will you give me???


So, overall, what did we think of the Melting Pot? We liked it just fine although it is a bit pricey - it's a fun place to go if you're celebrating something and it's a great date night because there's always something going on at the table. Jay and I like to fence with the food skewers that you're supposed to use to cook your food in the fondue pot, but if you prefer to behave in a more mature manner that's OK, too. We received wonderful service and had a ton of fun with our meal; after all, who doesn't like to play with their food?

Super Fancy Cheese ... Fancy Schmancy, Indeed!

Whole Foods, Town & Country, MO, August 2nd ... Yet Another Cheese Tasting Class!!!

When the cheese lady mentioned this class how could we pass it up? It was scheduled for a Saturday night instead of Tuesday like the last two classes - she did that on purpose to make this more of a date night event. Hubba Hubba!!

Here's the irresistible class description: You literally will not find these cheeses anywhere else in Stinktown (OK, they didn't call STL Stinktown, that's my irreverent voice). All of these scrumptious jewels are painstakingly handcrafted by master cheese makers with milk often coming from a single herd. Whether you call them art, artifact, or snack, there is no denying that cheeses such as these have provided not just sustenance, but also great pleasure! And of course, we will have to wash all this fancy cheese down with some fancy wine.

Cost per person $30; a little more expensive since there are supposedly uber-wowser cheeses involved, but still not a bad deal.

Your cheese-guides for this report: Colonel Chevre and his trusty sidekick Frau-mage.


We managed to take a couple of pictures this time - three really is a charm! **As a side note, it also helps to bring a camera** There were only eight cheeses to sample at this class as opposed to nine cheeses at the previous two classes ... what a letdown (wink wink). With the exception of one, all of these cheeses were from France ... ah, France some among us may call you weak-kneed collaborators but no one can match your skill in the art of blissful, cheesy goodness.

More cheese, please!


Starting at midnight and moving clockwise around the plate we had the following tasty treats:

Cone de Port Aubrey - This is an aged raw goat's milk cheese from France, known for its distinctive shape ... think inverted bra cup. The texture was firm, but not hard, and it was crumbly. On its own I thought it tasted kind of sour, but when I tried it with some Tuscan honey it was absolutely wonderful. A note on the honey - it was almost clear in color, similar in appearance to a thick, simple syrup.

Sechone de Pays - A blooming cow's milk cheese that was rich and delicate; the taste reminded us of a very light blue cheese. I apologize if I spelled this wrong ... I try to double check all of these with on-line references but I can't find this cheese anywhere so I must have really butchered the spelling. Too bad, really, because it was was quite tasty and I'd like to try it again some day.

Charolaise - An aged goat cheese with an herby aroma and a very spreadable, creamy texture. We tried this with some purple basil jelly which was interesting and actually pretty good once I grew accustomed to the flavor. To quote Homer Simpson, "It's purple ... purple's a fruit."

Ossau-Iraty - Hey, we know this cheese and it's one of our favorites! And we've purchased it right here in Stinktown so you, Whole Foods, are guilty of false advertising and we may want our money back ... as soon as we finish eating. Anyhoo, this is a raw sheep's milk cheese with a firm, creamy texture and a slightly nutty taste. We had some lavender honey with this but in all honesty I would have preferred some balsamic vinegar.

Pave du Nord - This is a semi-hard cow's milk cheese that looks like cheddar and has a sharp, thick taste. The aroma was distinctly unpleasant ... just like a field of cows who've recently shat all over the pasture. If my notes are correct this is a cheese from Herve Mons and it's produced in the Normandy region of France. The yellowish color is from the seed of the annatto plant ... whatever that is.

Brebis Something or Other - Alrighty... well, here's the problem: the cheese lady spelled this cheese wrong so that I cannot for the life of me figure out through process of elimination (no gross pun intended) what the hell it was that we actually tried. My notes indicate that this was a raw sheep's milk cheese with a washed rind. It smelled like a barnyard but mercifully did not taste like one; the texture was creamy and soft while the taste was actually kind of earthy.

Stanser Flada - The best part of this cheese is the translation! Stanser is for the town Stans, in Switzerland, where the cheese is produced, and Flada is for cow pie. Literally I think this translates as Cow Pie of Stanz!! Bwaaaaahahahahahahaha!!! As you may have guessed, this is a cow's milk cheese ... a washed rind, uncooked, unpressed cow's milk cheese that is aged for only a few weeks. The aroma was definitely barnyard and the texture was uber-creamy - the taste was very strong and distinct and not enjoyable for my tastebuds at all.

Persille du Beaujolais - A cow's milk cheese from the Burgundy region of France, this is considered a medium strength blue cheese with a creamy texture and an almost nutty, spicy flavor. The condiment provided with this was a Black Mission Fig spread with black pepper. As far as blue cheeses go I suppose this wasn't bad but it was still pretty damn strong and stinky by my standards. Everyone else in the class thought it was fabulous.

To make up for the lack of a ninth cheese our lovely cheese lady provided us all with a plate of Bissinger's Caramel Corn drizzled with chocolate and some delicious Valrhona chocolate nibs. Bissinger's is a local chocolate confectioner ... it used to be called Karl Bissinger's and it was owned by the Bissinger family since beginning operations here in Stinktown back in the 1860s. Prior to that, so the story goes, Karl Bissinger used to create bonbons for French royalty. All I know is that their chocolate is to die for but their popcorn could kill me. So, I ate the Valhrona (I did share with my lovey ... I'm not a total cow) and Jay took care of the corn. Both were very tasty with the red wine that we were finishing off and don't know the name of.

Dessert and cheese? Boo-yah!!!


Final verdict? We liked this class very much but weren't exactly sure why it carried a slightly higher price tag. I haven't priced the other seven cheeses that were served, but Ossau-Iraty is usually about $22 per pound, so I'm not entirely convinced that we were eating the most rarefied of cheeses available if you know what I mean. However, we did think that the portions and accompaniments were generous and we liked many of these cheeses very much. The dessert was a nice touch, too! This will probably be the last cheese class we participate in for a while - our schedules just won't allow for it, especially if the classes are primarily offered during the week.

As I've said before, for any of you lucky enough to be close to a Whole Foods, try one of their classes; they appear to be a great value for the price and are educational and fun. Thanks for sharing the cheese luv!!

Tasty Treats from Whole Foods!

A Tasty Saturday Night Carpet Picnic ...

Last weekend while I was out doing some girl stuff, Jay took a day trip over to Whole Foods and bought some tasty treats for us to enjoy later in the evening. We like to have carpet picnics in the summer months, especially when it's too hot and disgusting to eat outside. Come along for a quick look into a Saturday night feeding frenzy at Jay & Brenda's not-so-opulent pleasure den!

First up some sushi freshly prepared at Whole Foods' sushi counter. At the top of the picture there is the misleadingly named Volcano Roll, made with salmon. The name is misleading because Jason said there was no spice to this sushi at all ... he had to make his own tongue-searing sauce off the top of his head to make up for the lack of heat. I cannot offer any comments on this particular sushi because I didn't try it - I don't do sushi with seaweed because it does not encourage easy digestion for this old Crohn.

The bottom left-hand picture is tuna (pink) and salmon (orange) sushi ... yummmmmm! Me likey the tuna best, I could eat that until I grow gills although the salmon was pretty good, too. The tuna was just a bit more flavorful and had just a hint of sweetness while the salmon was slightly salty. The bottom right-hand picture is shrimp sushi; as much as I love shrimp I didn't really like this as much as I thought I would. It seemed kind of tasteless compared with the tuna and salmon and it was a little too chewy for my taste.

Pretty fishies!


Oh, foul tempter!! Not only did Jason buy sushi but he bought three wedges of my all-time favorite French cheese ... Fromager d'Affonois ... and some freshly baked sourdough bread. I heart him so much!!! This is a soft, creamy cow's milk cheese with an edible rind. I'm not as fond of the rind as I am of the oozie-goozie goodness inside, but either way this is a fine, fine cheese and I strongly suggest you buy yourself some when you get a chance and enjoy it with some fresh bread.

Best cheese evah ... nothing will change my mind!


Since we were indulging in sushi it seemed only right to wash it down with some sake. We have a giant bottle of Wakatake Sake (cracks me up every time I say it) in the refrigerator and we pulled it out and gave our sake set some good use for the first time in months. Wakatake (at least this one) is a drier, less sweet sake - it reminds us both a bit of a chardonnay - and we prefer it closer to room temperature rather than ice cold. But there really is no right or wrong, it just depends on your personal preferences.

Mojo Jo-Jo loves Wakatake Sake!


For dessert Jay stopped by the Whole Foods confectionery and purchased half a dozen chocolate truffles, or as we like to call them: chocolate nipples. The first picture is an aerial view of the nips in their box and the second one shows them plated and ready to be devoured.




From top to bottom, moving clockwise around the plate we have the following: Dark Chocolate Truffle, Grand Marnier Truffle, Chocolate Decadence Truffle, Peanut Butter Truffle, Irish Cream Truffle, and a Double Latte Truffle. So what did we think of them? The dark chocolate and the chocolate decadence truffles were good, the Irish cream truffle was lip-licking tasty, and the double latte truffle was the best of the lot ... I wish I was eating about twenty more of them right now. The Grand Marnier truffle was too overpoweringly orange flavored and the peanut butter truffle didn't taste enough of peanut butter. Overall, a delicious and naughty end to a fabulous carpet picnic.

And then at the grocery store I found this so I had to go ahead and buy a bottle; we're going to save it until we have some friends over and then everyone can try it at the same time and we won't be stuck with it all. That's right, it's the pretty pink bottle that MickeyNicki first told us all about when she came back from here June trip to Walt Disney World. On the front it reads Nuvo, L'Esprit de Paris ... Sparkling Liqueur. The back of the bottle provides the following description: Nuvo is a perfect blend of ultra-premium French vodka, French sparkling wine, natural exotic fruit nectar, and a touch of added carbonation. It's 15% alcohol by volume and looks just gorgeous in its bottle. We paid $25 for it at our local grocery store, which is less than my brother-in-law paid for a bottle over July 4th weekend when we found it at a liquor store on the other side of the river.