The Vodka Vault ... Red Square

Ridiculously Over-Priced but Worth Every Cent ... And We Found Lenin's Head!

It isn't enough that Red Square offers terrific food and a 50-page vodka bible ... no, they had to take it a step further and create an exclusive vodka vault to tempt people to spend stupidly obscene amounts of money on a bottle of vodka to gain entry. Guests can choose from up to 200 vodkas, all of which have been marked up to the point of nosebleed. For example, we selected a fairly new Russian Vodka called Zyr, which is distilled from winter wheat and rye and retails for about $30 per bottle.

You wanna guess what the mark-up was or should I just tell you?

1000%.

Do not adjust your screen.

We paid $300 for a bottle of vodka just so that we could finally get inside the vodka vault. And it was one of the goofiest most alcoholically-inspired fun things we've ever done!

Red Square's Vodka Goddess fitted us out in fur coats and caps because the temperature inside the vault is a frosty -5 degrees Fahrenheit. Jason, Jon, and I then made our way into the vault where our vodka was waiting for us with three shot glasses on top of a huge block of ice. Imagine our delight when we realized that the missing Lenin head from the statue outside the restaurant had been encased in the ice block!

We were allowed to spend as much time in the vault as we wished, pounding back shots and taking pictures. But honestly, it's so damn cold in there that after about 15 minutes we were ready to leave. They graciously packaged our remaining vodka so we could take it home with us for future enjoyment - the other option was to remain in the restaurant drinking our vodka with a set of complimentary mixers. That might not have been a bad option had we not been hanging out with my parents! As an aside, I will say that the Zyr was a terrific vodka choice - very smooth and very drinkable.

If a visit to Red Square is in your future and you'd like to experience the vault, see if you can't find some friends who can help defray the cost. It's pricey for sure, but such a unique thing to do that it's worth trying at least once if you can.

Ready for the vault


Jon looks Russian


Ch-Ch-Ch-Cheers!


Here's to Capitalism, you Communist!


Now we know why they drink so much in Russia ... it's to stay warm!


Vlad ...


Lenin's pigeon-poop splattered frozen head


Jay looks right at home!


Jon looks confused ...


And I'm steamed up in the bar!

Red Square; Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas

From Russia with Love ...

If Jay and I have a favorite restaurant on the Strip, it must be Red Square since that appears to be the only establishment we return to over and over again when we visit Las Vegas. Maybe it's the kitschy decor that blends Soviet-era propaganda with reproductions of Imperial Russia's heyday; maybe it's the vodka bible and 15-page drink menu; maybe it's just the middle-aged nostalgia of two history geeks who first met while studying Russian in order to satisfy a college foreign language requirement.

Or it could just be that Red Square serves up some damn fine food and booze and it's always a caviar-topped blini of good times!

идиоты истории


We actually ended up back at Red Square on this trip because we offered to take my parents there for dinner and because Jay and I were planning to splurge on a visit to the restaurant's famous Vodka Vault (review as yet to be written ... please stand by). Unless you are my parents it is impossible to not find Red Square because there is a massive headless pigeon-poo stained statue of Vlad Lenin standing right outside the restaurant's front doors.

Headless statues need the most help!


Red Square's bar


Dining Room


Jay and I opted to try something from Red Square's extensive mixed drink menu - I chose the Chernobyl which was made with Stoli 80 Vodka, Absolut 80 Vodka, Triple Sec, Cranberry Juice, and a Skyy Vodka float - the drink was garnished with the restaurant's three-eye fish ... Blinky. Jason went the more traditional route with the Red Square Martini: Vodka and Sweet Vermouth garnished with Bleu Cheese stuffed olives.

Chernobyl & The Red Square Martini


For the table we ordered Pelmeni to share around - these are meat stuffed little pillows of joy floating in a warm consomme' bath garnished with dill sour cream; they are so delicious that it's hard to stop at one bowl.

Beef Pelmeni


Jason and I ordered a second appetizer for ourselves; something we'd been drooling over for nigh on three years ... the Seared Foie Gras, Baked Apples and Cinnamon French Toast appetizer served with Smoked Bacon and Berry Gastrique. This was nowhere near as good as we hoped. The presentation was the first thing to throw us because we expected something along the lines of a French toast foie gras napoleon layered with apples and bacon. The taste was the next thing to throw us because it just didn't have much flavor, all things considered. And finally, we were just sad because meat butter should never, ever leave a person disappointed.

Seared Foie Gras French Toast


I think there's foie gras in there somewhere


Initially Jay and I had planned to order Red Square's tasting menu and pair it with wine and vodka but by the time we arrived for dinner we'd already eaten a lot for the day and just couldn't stomach six full courses. Looking back on it now I wish we'd gone ahead and done it anyway because I ordered the dumbest thing I could think of: steak topped with crabmeat. It was well cooked and tasty and decadent but I can get this at any Stinktown restaurant worth its salt. Why in the name of borscht did I choose this???

Filet Mignon with Crab, Crab, and Crab


Jon selected the Dill Seared Filet of Salmon with Puff Pastry, Mushroom Risotto, Asparagoose, and a wee hard boiled egg with American Sturgeon Caviar. He cleaned his plate in record time while uttering a series of satisfied grunts. I assume that meant he enjoyed it.

Wild Salmon Kulebyaka


Jason ordered the Butterfish which was served on a bed of Polenta with a Red Beet Beurre Blanc. What a lovely, rich fishie this was and it paired really well with the polenta which provided some additional texture and helped soak up the beurre blanc sauce.

Pan Seared Butterfish


My mom selected the cheapest item on the menu that wasn't chicken, which really annoyed Jay and I because we wanted her to order something she really wanted despite the cost. But she is one of those people who hates to spend money on food whether it's her own or someone else's. The good news is that she really seemed to like her choice because she ate it all up nearly as quickly as Jon did his!

Jumbo Lump Crab & Arugula Angel Hair Pasta


I regret that none of us ordered dessert this time around - Jay and I have ordered dessert here more than once and they've always been tasty. For a really fun time order the dessert shooters! So here ends the review because we were too busy choosing a vodka for entry to the vault to be worried about more food. However, I will say this: we've been to Red Square three times in the last four years and it's been great each time - lovely food and service. The bar is a fun place to while away the hours with some appetizers and drinks as well. Give it a try some time and don't forget to raise your glass and offer this to your friends: ваше здоровье!!

Le Atelier; MGM Grand, Las Vegas

It's Joel Robuchon ... Nuff Said

They don't call Vegas Sin City for no reason ... name your weakness and there will likely be a bright, shiny temptation designed just for you. In our case it's food, and to a lesser extent, booze. Jay and I could care less about the limitless gambling, glitzy shows, or over-priced shopping. We want to spend our hard earned Chinese-owned dollars gorging at the trough of fine dining!

Which explains why, after dining at The Mansion last year for Jay's 40th birthday, we found ourselves next door at Monsieur Robuchon's slightly less expensive but no less delicious establishment on this Vegas trip. We briefly weighed the option of saving money on vacation against the prospect of enjoying dinner at another Michelin star restaurant and gratification of the gut won out in short order. After all, we're not made of stone!

Ahem.

Aside from the amazing food and service, we were keen to dine at Le Atelier because it had been about three years since our last meal here. And for us, once again showcasing our lazy, the fact that the restaurant was located within the MGM Grand meant that we could just walk there from our hotel room without ever setting foot outdoors.

Join us ... you know you want to.


The restaurant is located immediately off the casino floor, but once inside guests find themselves in a sleek, modern dining room with a large open kitchen where meals are prepared right before them. The interaction is always wonderful - the serving staff are all chefs in their own right and they love to talk about food and the unique cooking methods that Joel Robuchon utilizes. And if you're really fortunate, you will have a server like ours, who was so impressed by my desire to order a cheese plate on top of the 10-course tasting menu that he went out of his way to make a special one just for us. That's a cheese-tease, my friends; you will have to keep reading to find out more about the fromage!

Place setting


Sweet, glorious bread!


Le Atelier offers a Seasonal Discovery Menu, a small tasting menu, and a wide range of small plates. Jason and I always order the Discovery or Degustation Menu, because we can try so many wonderful items and because we are gluttonous pigs. Wine pairings are optional; on this evening we opted instead to enjoy a bottle of Veuve Clicquot Champagne with dinner - bubbles make everything better, even in Joel Robuchon's kitchen.

L'Amuse


The meal started off with the Amuse Bouche - Vegetable Fondant topped with a delicate avocado cream. This was a smooth, creamy offering that perfectly balanced cool and slightly sweet avocado with salty vegetable gloop. It was enjoyable, but I think I actually liked the presentation more than the taste; if you ask me half the fun of dining at Le Atelier is that you never really know exactly what your food is going to look like until it's delivered by your serving team.

Our first official course was Celery Mousse with wasabi, beef stew gelee and slices of foie gras. You just don't know how badly I wanted to like this; but then again ... maybe you do. I adore foie gras and had high hopes for the dish but the mix of flavors just didn't work for me and I loathed the beef stew gelee. I can think of few things less appetizing than beefy jello (unless it's a bowl of mushrooms - please see Shibuya review for pictorial representation) and the texture was downright revolting - viscous and stone cold.

Le Celeri, I


Le Celeri, II


The next plate was much more to my liking: Sea Scallop cooked in the shell with chive oil. This scallop was such a joy to eat - so tender it practically melted in my mouth while the chive oil imparted a subtle garlic flavor that I really enjoyed.

La Saint Jacques


Next up was King Crab a la plancha with vegetables and lemongrass oil. Is it wrong that I still want to call this The Crab of La Mancha? It tasted really good ... so good that we had to fight back the urge to sing The Impossible Dream, which is a mercy for everyone who was in the restaurant that night. And in case you happened to wonder, la plancha refers to a cooking method that grills food on a metal plate.

Le Crabe Royal


This next course was one of our favorites: Asparagus with gratin of macaroni and comte' with smoked veal bacon. The noodle was filled with cheese and then rolled around the asparagus spear, then covered with more cheese and baked; the veal bacon was included on the plate almost as a garnish but did it ever taste fantastic. Jay and I have talked about stealing this idea and making a baked mac-n-cheese with asparagoose and bacon once the weather cools off ... yum!

L'Asperge


We were next presented with Dover Sole Filet with baby leeks and ginger. The presentation was colorful and the fish was delightful - sole is something we really enjoy thanks to its mild, buttery flavor.

La Sole, I


La Sole, II


For my miniature entree I selected Foie Gras stuffed Free-Range Quail with truffled mashed potatoes. The quail and foie gras were amazing; and while I know that Robuchon is famous for his mashed potatoes I sure wish these had been truffle-free. I much prefer his standard mashed taters whipped into a light, creamy cloud with nothing but milk and butter.

La Caille


Jay selected a French-style Hangar Steak with fried shallots for his entree. Although it's not mentioned on the menu he also received a spoonful of truffled mashed potatoes and he thought they were fabulous.

La Hampe


It was about this time that Jay excused himself for a few minutes and left me alone with our server ... always a mistake when the promise of cheese hangs in the air. Of course I asked about the evening's cheese plate since it wasn't included with our tasting menu and our server then asked me to name some of my favorite cheeses. I rattled off a couple, starting with the glorious and sinful Fromager d'Affinois. He said that Le Atelier's cheese plate didn't have anything that I mentioned but next door at The Mansion they might have something that would come close. Oh friends, we all know what they have at The Mansion ... a cheese trolley with more than 20 French bacterial by-products ... if I could have figured out how to steal it last year I would have.

The end result of this side conversation, much to Jay's surprise, was that our server reappeared about ten minutes later with a plate of brillat savarin and a basket of sourdough bread. Who among us doesn't squeeeee when this triple cream cheese makes an appearance? It's luscious, creamy, and entirely too edible, especially considering that it's comprised of 75% milk fat. And bless his heart, he didn't skimp on the serving - I swear our server gave us a quarter-pound to share and that's not cheap. You read that correctly - he gave; we weren't charged for this wonderful, beautiful hunk of gastronomic joy.

Brillat Savarin - Yum I


Brillat Savarin - Yum II


And then we had our cheese plate which he asked the staff at The Mansion to put together for us and it was blisssssssssss! I know this wasn't the standard offering because someone sitting at the counter next to us ordered it and received three completely boring cheeses that looked noting like our four ... or five if you count the brillat savarin. If you are what you eat then I'm the cheesiest person you've probably never met!

CHEESE ME!


Lesser stomachs might have had to stop here for the evening but we still had two desserts and coffee to get through. Dessert number one was Light Pineapple Cream with vanilla wafer, and lime and lemongrass sorbet. This was surprisingly tasty considering that I don't usually care for pineapple. And we really liked the silver leaf applied for garnish - it was very opulent.

Opulence ... we eats it; just like that Russian guy with the wee giraffe in the Dish Network commercials.

L'Ananas


Second dessert (just like hobbits!) was a Hazlenut Parfait with fresh grapefruit and praline crunch. As pretty as this was to look at it I just didn't care for it. I don't like grapefruit and I don't like nuts so this one was doomed from the start. Jay said it was alright but he thought the first one was much better.

La Noisette, I


La Noisette, II


And then the meal rounded out with some wonderful French Press coffee and some tasty little chocolates and caramels which don't show up very well in the picture below.

Cafe


All in all it was another fine evening enjoying the cuisine of Chef of the Century Joel Robuchon. Le Atelier remains one of our favorites due to its much more casual, relaxed atmosphere as well as its playful menu. Some day we hope to visit Le Atelier in France, but until then this Las Vegas location is a pretty tasty alternative!