WAAAAASAAAAABI!!!!!

Sushi, Sushi, Sushi ... Eat Them Up Yum!!!

Jay and I were the fortunate recipients of a gift certificate to a local sushi joint called Wasabi this past Christmas season and we finally decided to put it to good use. They have more than one location in St. Louis but the closest one to our stinky homestead is in Clayton - a harrowing thirty-mile drive over the river and through the stench-filled haze that surrounds the city.

To get back into practice for our upcoming WDW trip we snapped a self portrait.

Say Fisheeeeeez!


For some reason we expected Wasabi to be much larger than it actually was ... I guess we've just become too accustomed to dining in places outside of Stinktown that are designed to serve multitudes of guests at the same time. This is not meant to be a criticism, just an observation. Luckily Jay and I arrived shortly after they opened for dinner so they weren't very crowded; by the time we left the place was filling up fast (and we were able to ogle other peoples' sushi on our way out). Despite the relative smallness of the restaurant Jay and I actually liked Wasabi's decor, which was clean and simple and welcoming.

Sushi Bar


To start our evening off properly we ordered some Nigori Sake, a variation of which we first tried last fall at WDW (where else, right?). We enjoyed this sake, but both agreed that we've tried a couple of others that were better - the problem with this statement is that neither of us can remember the names of the other two Nigoris that we prefer to this one. Now that's a special kind of stupid.

A bucket with your Sake?


These plates need sushi, STAT!


Alright ... lemme tell you what we ordered before I share the cool presentation with you:

Nigiri:

2 pieces of Bluefin Tuna
2 pieces of Sake (Salmon)
1 piece of Smoked Salmon
1 piece of Hotate (Scallop)
1 piece of Maguro (Yellowfin Tuna)
1 piece of Unagi (Freshwater Eel)

Rolls:

1 Crazy Roll - tuna, salmon, yellowtail, cucumber, avocado, and spicy sauce.
1 Rainbow Roll - inside out California Roll with five kinds of mysterious fish.
1 Caterpillar Roll - unagi, smoked salmon, cucumber, avocado, and massago.
1 Terry Roll - fresh Scotland salmon, cucumber, crunch (roe), and spicy mayo wrapped in soy bean paper.

It's a boatload of fish!!!

Is that or is that not the coolest sushi delivery you've ever seen? Some patrons of a less gluttonous nature than Jay and me had their sushi presented on little arched bridges similar to those you might see stretching over a lily pond. We thought that was pretty neat and we also cracked ourselves up by suggesting that it should be mandatory presentation for patrons who order unagi so that they can call it the Bridge Over the River Unagi.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Bluefin & Salmon Nigiri

Salmon and Unagi Nigiri

Smoked Salmon and Yellowfin Nigiri

Hotate Nigiri

So, what did we think? It was lovely and light and tasty ... the best sushi we've had since leaving Florida last October. The nigiri surprise of the night for me was that I liked the eel and thought the scallop was disgusting. The eel was no different than eating meat - a little chewy but with a mild flavor that the soy sauce really enhanced. The scallop, on the other hand, had the consistency of slimy, chewy mucous - kind of rubbery with a texture that made my digestive gears threaten to slam into reverse faster than I could yell, "where's the barf bag!?"

And then it was time to dive into the rolls we ordered. I started with a piece of the Terry Roll and the Crazy Roll, which ended up being my two favorites of the evening. The Terry Roll was light and crunchy and I really liked that it was rolled with soy bean paper, which was light and crisp and a nice change from seaweed, which can sometimes bother the Crohn goblin. And the crazy roll was a wonderful mix of tasty fish with just a hint of spice - the seaweed made it a little chewy at times but overall it was a definite winner.

Terry Roll and Crazy Roll

My next choice was a piece of Rainbow Roll, which in this case is a California Roll with various fishies draped over the top. This was OK - not as good as I had hoped it would be, but I think that mentally I was comparing this to the Rainbow Roll we first tried at Wolfgang Puck's in October. And who in Stinktown can possibly compete with the god-like fishlieness of the Puck???

Rainbow Roll with Tuna ...

Jay and I were a little disappointed in the presentation of the Caterpillar Roll only because on the menu they actually show it presented as a bug, with eyes and attenae and a green wrap. I guess it looked a little buggy, but because it was tucked into the middle of our sushi boat the whole effect was lost. The caterpillar was my least favorite of all the rolls we ordered - I thought it had too much sauce and a distinctly smoky flavor, both of which are things that turn me off. Jay made a good point and that was this: there was a lot of stuff going on in that roll and the texture was a little odd, so it's not really a surprise that I didn't like it as much as some of the others. With sushi, as with many other food joys that I've discovered over the years, I like things simple and clean whenever possible.

Caterpillar Roll & Terry Roll

Terry, Crazy, and Rainbow Rolls

Our overall impression was strongly favorable - not only would we go back to Wasabi but we would recommend it to all of our friendies. They actually have quite an extensive menu that includes appetizers, entrees, combination meals, and tempura but on this visit we only had eyes for sushi.

On the drive home I told Jay that I really wanted some Dairy Queen for dessert ... a place we haven't paid a visit to in years. My lovey hubby obligingly stopped at the DQ drive-through just a few minutes from our house and I ordered an Oreo / Brownie Sundae type thing and Jay chose a Peanut Buster Parfait (or as my mom always calls it ... a barfait).

Here I am getting ready to inhale both desserts ... one for each hip!

So hungreeeee...

Oreo-Brownie Caloric Overload

Mmmm, that's good barfait


Our desserts really hit the spot .... light, airy, cold, white-flavored soft serve drowning in hot fudge and / or peanut buttery goodness. Ahhhh, who doesn't like a Saturday evening sugar rush like this?

Now, I promised you guys a funny story about Dairy Queen and I'm going to make good on that - unless you don't think this is remotely amusing, but I can't do anything about that. ;-)

Many, many years ago when Jay and I were dating we would occasionally venture over to a DQ near my parents house and indulge in a frosty treat or two. Even then, which was pre-Crohns diagnosis, I avoided certain foods because I knew they bothered me even though I didn't know why. Among those foods were nuts of all shapes and sizes. So one evening when Jay and I placed our order I requested my Hot Fudge Brownie Delight sans nuts - normally they would sprinkle almonds or some other nut over the top of the dessert, but I always requested that mine be served plain.

Jay's barfait arrived at the counter in short order but for some reason it seemed to be taking my brownie delight a verrrry long time to make an appearance. It's not a difficult dessert to make: add soft serve to container; open pre-made brownie, split in half, tuck into soft serve on either side of said container; add two pumps of hot fudge and a spritz of whipped cream; present to customer and have a nice day.

I noticed suddenly that the young lady who had taken my order was standing over a trash can with what appeared to be one of the brownies for my dessert. I squinted for a moment and then clapped a hand over my mouth to smother the shriek of laughter that was bubbling up from my belly. I turned away from the counter and started giggling, motioning to Jay to come closer so that I could share my discovery with him.

The poor girl had taken my request for a nut-free dessert so literally that she was patiently picking bits of nut out of the brownie and flicking them into the trash with her fingernails.

It took several minutes for both Jay and me to compose ourselves to the point where we could speak intelligibly. And then I immediately told her that I didn't mean that she had to de-nut the brownie, I only wanted to be sure that she didn't sprinkle nuts over the top of the dessert after she was done making it. She looked like I'd just given her the best present ever and much to my relief tossed the brownie into the trash can and started making my dessert all over again ... without picking the brownie to pieces in the process.

The lesson is: be careful what you ask for, especially at Dairy Queen!!!

Monarch ... It's More Than a Butterfly or a Sovereign

Courtesy of one last restaurant.com gift certificate and just in time for our 10th wedding anniversary, Jay and I found ourselves with a dinner reservation at Monarch, a trendy little "see-and-be-seen" kind of place on the outer fringes of Clayton. We've noticed lately that all the establishments we've dined at like to promote their affiliation with "local growers of organic and environmentally friendly produce" ... unfortunately when confronted with such highfalutin pre-menu language Jay and I tend to snicker and roll our eyes a lot. Please don't try so hard to impress us before we've had a chance to even look at your food offerings.

Monarch has a more formal dining room, which is where Jay and I dined, but they also have a bar where patrons can order from a more "relaxed" menu, if that makes any sense. Apparently the bar is the place to be if you are young, enjoy networking, and have delusions of grandeur. Since Jay and I are nothing if not crotchety loners, the hushed, dim dining room was obviously the place for us. I actually felt a little conspicuous when we first sat down at our table, undoubtedly a combination of my dress not fitting well (note to self ... please lose weight, pronto!) and a lot of rather elderly, grumpy looking guests scattered about the room. I very nearly didn't take any pictures at all but Jay encouraged me to shrug off my self-consciousness ... the flash isn't that bright, after all, and your friendies will never forgive you if you don't post food porn.

Monarch does offer a four-course tasting menu, but everyone at the table has to participate and two of the four courses being offered just didn't sound appealing to me or my intestinal tract, so Jay and I ordered ala carte. One thing that we both thought was cool about their tasting menu was that along with the standard wine pairing with each course it also included an option to pair each course with a specialty cocktail.

Damn!

I wish the tasting menu had been more appetizing because a food and cocktail pairing would have been awesome! I think I will file this idea away for future reference and try it at home one weekend with my lovey and some friends.

To start the evening off we were presented with a happy mouth gift from the chef: Gazpacho with Calamari.

Excuse me, but someone drowned a squid in my soup.


The gazpacho was actually very good - cool and salty with a few small tomato bits bobbing lazily in the bowl. It was most definitely not cold salsa, which I swear is what the Spain booth served us at the Food & Wine Festival back in 2004. As for the calamari ... it seemed like a generous portion for an amuse bouche, but I do not eat squid and asked Jay to get all those tentacles out of my bowl before I blew tomato chunks across the dining room floor.

After all the wine - some of it not very good - we had the night before at Soulard's I was not in the mood for more grape juice, so I spent a lot of time perusing Monarch's cocktail listing ... all eight of them. I kid you not, there were only eight drinks listed on their cocktail menu. I finally asked our server if the bartender could make me a pomegranate martini and she responded with a less than encouraging, "Well, if they can't, I'm sure they'll come up with something good."

Don't try to con Bendy ... Stinktown isn't so backwards that you can't find PAMA at the grocery store. Give me some ice, a cocktail shaker, and some vodka and I'll show that barely bearded baby behind the bar how to make a girly martini!

My eventual drink was something called Xanadu, and while it was a tad more citrusy than I am accustomed to in a pomegranate martini, it was still quite good. When it was first delivered to the table it was chock full of ice chips and I liked how they kept the drink cool for a long time while gently diluting some of the alcohol, which was very strong. I was also very grateful that the delivery of this drink was not accompanied by the soundtrack from Xanadu.

Excuse me, but now someone's drowned an orange in my drink.


I started the evening off with a Peeky Toe Crab Salad for my appetizer. Oh my, this was just delicious! A very large crab cake resting in a small puddle of tomato / vinegar dressing and garnished with arugula and "local" greens ... the taste of sweet, delicate crab mixed with tart vinegar-tomato was wonderful.

Peek-a-boo ... I'm gonna eat you!


Jay ordered Oyster Chowder to begin his meal. The chow-dah had lots of potato chunks along with slippery, slimy oyster bits, bacon, snow peas, and horrible 'shrooms in a creamy, dreamy broth. He liked this very much and that, my friends, is all you've got to go on because not only do I not eat squid, I don't eat oysters, either. I have a fundamental problem eating anything that looks like someone in the kitchen had a bad cold and sneezed in the soup.

Chowin' on the Chow-dah!


Do you guys know just how badly I wanted to order the scallops for dinner? But after the prior night's scallop disaster there was no way I was going to roll the Stinktown Seafood dice again so I chose the Strip Steak with Creamy Potatoes and Vegetable Goulash - hold the icky 'shrooms!

Ummm, did you just slaughter the cow in the back lot?


When I ordered this dish I requested my steak medium - it was delivered much more rare than I am accustomed to eating my meat and I considered sending it back. However, I decided that I should give it a try first and I'm very glad I did so ... it was tender and flavorful and just delicious. And those potatoes? They were so whipped and creamy they looked like pancake batter poured on a griddle. I could have eaten an entire bowl of those potatoes for dinner and followed it with another for dessert, they were that good.

Jay ordered the Red Wine Braised Beef Short Ribs with Glazed Baby Vegetables and Ramp Green Grits. This was a fine, fine selection with rib meat so tender that Jay didn't need to use his knife at all. I'm not sure about the green grits ... they tasted alright but why serve them any color other than grit? It's a puzzlement.

Mmmmm, ribs-a-plenty!


We took a long and careful gander at Monarch's dessert menu, but we weren't overly impressed. They did, however, offer a 3-or-5 cheese plate of dairy delights and so we opted for the five cheeses (would you expect any less?) and washed them down with a lovely glass of Dow's 20-year Tawny Port. My only beef is that the cheeses weren't listed on the menu and no list was given to us with the plate, so neither one of us has any idea at this point what the cheeses were. They were good ... nothing really knocked us on our asses ... but they were decent and obviously utterly forgettable.

Cheese, bread, and booze ... I could live on it for the rest of my life!


Way back in April when I made this reservation I must have told them we were celebrating out anniversary because our server re-appeared with a wee giftie for us: a slice of chocolate-caramel celebration cake. Had this item been on the dessert menu we might have ordered it - it was thick and rich and decadent ... a damn tasty and lovely little offering from the staff. Just look at all the chocolate shavings on that cake ... YUM!

It's free and it's chocolate!

So, how did I feel about this meal? Truth be told, I was, and still am, a little ambivalent about Monarch. Their food was very good but I really think that their menu is a little too limited and tries a little too hard to impress. Overall the service was good - water and bread were always refilled - but I would have liked a little more help finding drink and entree choices that were appealing to me. Our server didn't offer any recommendations to either Jay or me while we were trying to decide what to order. While Jay and I wouldn't tell anyone not to dine at Monarch, it's a long drive from our house and didn't make enough of an impression for us to feel like we need to pay them a return visit anytime soon. If I had to recommend one nice restaurant in St. Louis to my friendies at this point I think it would still be Harvest. Now there's a comfortable, accessible restaurant with a seasonal menu that offers a fair number of dining options, one of which just happens to include foie gras!

Soulard's Wine Dinner: We're Choking it Down!

The excitement was palpable when I discovered a little nugget in the newspaper about a Napa Valley & Santa Barbara wine dinner being hosted by Soulard's restaurant during the week that Jay and I were taking time off from work. Many of the events that we've recently discovered are held on Wednesday evenings ... this is doubly frustrating because in the first place Jay typically works until 10PM on Wednesdays; and in the second place, who the hell wants to eat a five course dinner with wine after spending ten hours at work only to get up at 5AM the following morning to go back to work even surlier than the previous day?

This staying up late to eat and drink and drive home during the work-week thing sounded way more enjoyable when it wasn't going to be our work-week. We booked this dinner near the end of April and proceeded to count down the days because the menu sounded particularly delicious and we are nothing if not food-dreaming, crumb-licking, bonafide piggies ... especially when it comes to seafood, and three of the five courses listed on Soulard's wine dinner menu were of the fishie variety.

Shortly before leaving the house we snapped a picture ... just to ensure that the camera was still working.

Self portrait with a secret cash message from our TV.


The Soulard area is a well-known, well-aged downtown St. Louis neighborhood that is home to a very large, popular farmer's market on summer weekends as well as many bars and small eateries. The St. Louis area's weak and gammy-handed version of Mardi Gras is also held in Soulard ... the beer flows amidst the snows and the streets are wet with urine. I do not advise anyone to ever visit St. Louis for Mardi Gras ... go to New Orleans for the real deal where the streets are always wet with urine but the food and booze are so much better that no one really cares.

Soulard's restaurant is located in the heart of Soulard (duh, right?) and it is a long haul indeed from our cozy love nest on the outer fringes of Stinktown. To make the evening more exciting, there were severe thunderstorms popping all over the area with wild winds and big hail and wicked lightning. Driving in St. Louis during good weather will try the patience of a saint; just try getting anywhere during rush hour while it's raining ... it's like asking a lobotomized neurosurgeon to excise a brain tumor.

Once we arrived at the restaurant ... about 15 minutes before the dinner was supposed to start ... we were offered a glass of wine and taken to our table which the gentleman seating us described as a quiet, romantic spot just for two. We were seated at a nice little table in an alcove off the main dining room and right in front of the fireplace, which wasn't in use on this evening. Shortly thereafter a server bopped over with a plate of truly gorgeous bruchetta; although there were six good-sized pieces on the tray, Jay and I were polite and took one apiece, assuming that there would be ample opportunity for us to nab more if we were so inclined.

What's that old saying about making assumptions?

Ah well, before I get ahead of myself let me tell you fine folks that this was the one item on the menu that I was most skeptical of and was therefore most pleasantly surprised by. The Passed Cordon Bleu Bruchetta was hot and creamy with just a hint of garlic - it was tremendously tasty and really whet our appetites for the meal to come. It also tasted very good with our first wine of the evening, which was a Napa Ridge Sauvignon Blanc, 2006.

In retrospect I suppose we should have savored the bruchetta a little more and chewed each bite one hundred times before swallowing because nary another was to be offered for the rest of the night even though it would be another 45 minutes before course number two made an appearance. The staff was exceptionally generous with the wine all evening, plying us with refills whether we asked for them or not, but they were less than liberal with the food. I dunno, maybe the 'passed' in Passed Cordon Bleu Bruchetta meant something like, "Is that a platter of bruchetta I see being passed before me?"

Apparently we weren't the only patrons asking for more only to be denied, although at first Jay and I wondered if we were being singled out for some weird reason. Each guest was given exactly one piece of bruchetta and by gawd that had just better be enough because the kitchen was unwilling or unable to provide more.

The first course: Cordon Bleu Bruchetta


We had time to take some additional pictures before our quiet little alcove became a cone of unsilence with the arrival of a party of ten middle-to-older-aged people who didn't know how to hold their booze in a public setting. These people were so loud that later in the evening Jay and I actually tested our Belch With Impunity Theory to great success.

If I show some cleaves can we have more bruchetta?

Table setting ... look at all those glasses!

Our alcove was pretty cool, wasn't it?


We were so hungry waiting for the second course to arrive that we decimated all the "plain" bread that was nestled in a little basket on our table. We asked our server for a refill only to be told that they were out of bread.

How in the name of all that is yeasty does a restaurant run out of bread?

And keep in mind that they were also serving their "usual" menu on this night in addition to providing the wine dinner for upwards of 50 guests. Poor planning and poor service ... we were not impressed. Before either one of us could get too sidetracked about Soulard's lack of bread, however, our second course was delivered: Grilled Sea Scallops over Sauteed Spinach with Lemon Beurre Blanc Sauce served with a 2006 Santa Barbara Crossing Chardonnay. I was so looking forward to this course, especially after having had such unexpectedly wonderful scallops at the Scottish Arms on Sunday night.

I never should have forgotten the first rule of Stinktown seafood: Lower Your Standards.

My scallops were chewy and gritty with no discernable taste - the spinach added nothing but bitterness and the sauce was a total non-factor. All in all a truly disappointing entry from where I sat. And although he's not typically as critical as I am, Jay even went so far as to admit that he's definitely had better food - he sautees spinach here at the house and gets far more tasty flavor than we had with this course. The chardonnay was not very good with this dish, either; it tasted OK by itself but really warred with the lemon sauce and the spinach ... not at all a pleasant taste experience.

It looks way better than it tastes ... and that's not saying much


Now, this next picture requires both an explanation and an apology. So, I'm sorry in advance. Anyway, after using my knife for buttering the bread of which there was no more and then for the slicing of my not-very-well-prepared scallops, I placed it in the middle of the plate with my fork so that it could be taken away with the rest of the dirty dishes.

And then our waiter said, "You may want to keep that for the next course."

WHAT???

Where's the horrified, hair-on-end, screaming emoticon when you need it?

You're not going to give us clean silverware for each course; did you run out of cutlery at the same time you ran out of bread???

My opinion was hurtling dangerously downhill faster than Bode Miller on a three-day drinking binge in the Swiss Alps.

Gimme a new knife and no one gets hurt!


We were holding out hope for the next course, ahi tuna, when it made an appearance and dashed our hopes all to hell. The menu described it as follows: Black Pepper Crusted Ahi Tuna, Pan Seared Medium Rare, Sliced, with Baby Greens and Vodka Vinaigrette served with 2005 Oasis Pinot Noir.

Sounds promising, no?

Our tuna was over-cooked ... it was not medium rare, it was medium and even that's a stretch. It was chewy and not at all sweet and light like the seared ahi we've had in the past. Jeezum Crow, we've had better seared ahi tuna at P. F. Changs and that's a freaking chain restaurant! The tuna was also far too peppery and had it been cooked properly that would have been a real detriment; as it was, it was more of an annoyance than anything else. I will say that the Pinot Noir was actually very good - nice and fruity and not at all the kind of red that would give a cranky crohn a headache.

We did get a huge chuckle out of the loudies at the table across from us who not only had never eaten seared tuna, but had never eaten anything that pink before in their lives. I peeked and friends ... there was no pink tuna on that lady's plate.

Ah, Stinktown ... if it ain't beef and cooked to the point of cremation, it ain't worth eating.

This was a total, unmitigated disaster

I think it's safe to say that by the time the entree showed up we were both, in the timeless words of Dick Button, waiting for it to be over. This dish was an Exotic Mushroom Crusted Grouper with Rock Shrimp Risotto and Tarragon Butter served with a 2006 Reserve Napa Ridge Cabernet Sauvignon. To be fair, the grouper was actually pretty good once I scraped off the mushroom crust and shoveled it over to Jay's plate. The size of the fish was generous and it appeared to be well cooked and had a nice flavor. The risotto was clumpy and sticky and gacky and there was exactly one shrimp in my serving. Granted, the title of the dish wasn't rock shrimps risotto, but I don't think it was unreasonable for me to expect more than one shrimp. I didn't try the cabernet at all since I still had half a glass of pinot noir, but Jay said it was decent.

Grouper and exactly one shrimp ...

I eagerly anticipated the final course, Chocolate Mousse served with Delapierre Sparkling Seco; after all, it's an easy dessert to make and would require a real dedication to failure on the part of the kitchen staff to screw up.

Kudos to failure, then, because this was the worst chocolate mousse it's ever been our misfortune to stick a spoon into. I could tell as soon as the dish was placed before me that something was wrong ... the consistency was far too thick and sticky. I plunged my spoon into the middle and it was just like pulling an electric beater from half-mixed cake batter. And the Seco was terrible - it was dry and bitter and the taste did not improve with the chocolate.

Looks like pudding to me.

This is just wrong.


At one point our server did come back and ask me how I liked the dessert ... I shocked him, Jay, and myself by being brutally honest. "This is really bad - the worst mousse I've ever tried to eat."

He looked a little surprised but then admitted that no one in the kitchen had tried the dessert before it was plated - quality control seems to have been lacking all night if you ask me. He reappeared later and told me that he'd tried some in the back and was very sorry for just how unappealing it was. In his words, "it tasted like crap."

We didn't receive a discount off the bill, however; I guess that's because everyone got a bad dessert so it was only fair to charge us all for the same disgusting mess. While we waited for our check, the noise level from the party of ten continued to grow. Jay boldly decided to test his Burping Impunity Theory and actually began belching out loud at the table to see if anyone could hear him. Apart from me ... and I was giggling like the immature wifey that I am ... no one seemed to hear anything. I'm here to tell you that my husband can rock the rafters with his esophageal emissions and no one turned a hair because those ten people were so loud and so drunk that they completely drowned him out.

We were happy to leave and head back home, sadder and a little poorer, but definitely wiser and believe it or not in a good mood. Despite the bad food we'd actually had a pretty good time, finding as much to laugh at as we possibly could. The really sad part is that the overall meal was so poor I had no choice but to ask Jay to stop at Wendy's on the way home so that I could expunge the taste of dinner with an impossible to screw up single burger with cheese.

Ah, cheeseburgers ... is there anything they can't do?

All I can say in conclusion is that Soulard's kitchen must have had one hell of a bad night. I hope that's all it was but it doesn't really matter because we will not be going back and will caution our friends and acquaintances not to spend their hard earned money there. Not impressive ... not good ... not worth choking down a second time.

The Scottish Arms ... Haggis is as Haggis Does

You may be wondering how we ended up eating dinner at a restaurant located approximately one river, two highway closures, and 37 miles from our homestead in Outer Stinktown ...

Well, for one thing there aren't many interesting places in our neck of the woods so we always have to trek long distances to add to our portfolio of fine and / or interesting dining venues. For another, we received some awesome restaurant.com gift certificates from the DISneyFamily as a Christmas giftie and after perusing the list of available dining options Jay and I decided that the Scottish Arms sounded like a winner. We redeemed a $25 gift certificate with two caveats - it was only valid Sunday-Thursday and the final check had to total at least $50 before our certificate could be applied.

Dinner on Sunday?

Check. We're on vacation and it's a three-day weekend - we can eat and drink like fools and sleep it off the next day!

Spend a minimum of $50 for dinner before being allowed to use the gift certificate?

Excuse me while I change my pants ... I just soiled myself laughing hysterically.

At the last minute I called the nehpie and his wife and asked if they wanted to join us. Dylan's birthday is the 29th of May - the same day as our anniversary - and since Jay and I already have gluttonous plans for the next three days we wanted to give him his birthday gift early and thought they might enjoy trying something new. In addition, two of the restaurants they want to try while we're at WDW in October are Raglan Road and Rose & Crown - I looked at this dinner as a good trial run for them to make sure they'd enjoy the experience, acclimate to Auntie Crohn's food porn habit, and learn not to fear for their fingers while sharing food with us.

Luckily they agreed and we met up on Sunday evening around 6PM for a tasty tour of the finest that Scotland has to offer in Stinktown. The Scottish Arms is located in the Central West End, which is one of the most eclectic neighborhoods in St. Louis. There are incredible homes dating back to the 1890s, cool little restaurants and pubs, antique shops, weird and naughty shops (wink wink), and never a dull moment. It's near Forest Park and BJC / Washington University Medical Center - in other words the neighborhood is one of those little oases in the middle of some not-so-savory St. Louis real estate. It's not exactly unsafe, but it's definitely an area that makes suburbanites a little nervous once the sun goes down. And I'm not really sure why that is because at last check the Central West End is not home to a vampire coven.

The Scottish Arms - bring it on!!!


The Scottish Arms is owned and operated by a native Scot named Scot Alistair Nisbet - he's created a dark, slightly cramped pub with amazing food and service. The interior is true to the original historic building and has tons of dark, ornately carved mahogany woodwork and paneling and the ceiling tiles are all hammered tin - something that you just don't see much of anymore. The restaurant is split into two halves - the pub area where folks can drink and smoke and watch sporting events to their heart's content while ordering from a limited kitchen menu, and the dining room which is non-smoking and offers a full menu to choose from. The wait staff is predominantly male and they all wear kilts - and our waiter in particular was very engaging and knowledgeable. As to the authenticity of the menu, none of us has ever been to Scotland so we don't know squat, but it all seemed as realistic as it could possibly be in a landlocked US city not known for overly adventurous cuisine.

Since Jay and I arrived before Dylan and Jen, we went ahead and requested a table and ordered a couple of tasty pints to pass the time while we studied the menu. Our beverage choice? Belhaven Wee Heavy Scotch Ale - a dark, traditional Scottish Ale with a surprisingly sweet aftertaste and not a bit heavy. It was excellent ... so good that Jay and I both downed two of them through the course of the evening.

What ales you?

Dyl-Jen ... ain't they cute?

Plump Bendy and Slender Jay ...

Once our attractive younger family members arrived and settled in, Dylan proceeded to order his beer ... he made a major faux pas for which he can perhaps be forgiven seeing as our family heritage is Scotch-Irish. It's easy to understand how he could get confused ... and why he asked our waiter what kind of Irish Reds they had available.

D'OH!!!

After our waiter regained his ability to speak, he suggested a Scottish Red - Red McGregor - which Dylan agreed to try. I think he liked it, but it was probably a bit more malty than he's accustomed to - our Scotch Ales were much more tasty and smooth.

The homebrew of the Clan McGregor!

With the drinks taken care of, it was time for some serious foodage. Rather than select one or two appetizers we decided on the Highland Gathering, a sampling of four different appetizers, and the Cheese Board because you can never have too much cheese. The Cheese Board included three cheeses - a French Tomme (semi-firm goat cheese), a French baby blue (very mild), and a Vermont Tomme (much creamier and smoother, also very mild). Accompaniments included fresh bread, apple slices, spiced walnuts, crackers, and some kind of orangey tasting marmalade (Jay said it tasted like the rind - very strong). We liked all three of these cheeses very much and believe it or not I was quite fond of the blue cheese paired with the apple slices!

A round of cheese for all!


The Highland Gathering included the following: Scotch Egg, Baby Bridies, Sausage Rolls, and Haggis Fritter. The Scotch Egg is a hard boiled egg encased in sausage and fried - it's typically served with honey mustard sauce. Baby Bridies are ground sirloin, onions, and spices baked in puff pastry and the Sausage Rolls are pork bangers rolled in in puff pastry. And the Haggis Fritter speaks for itself ... haggis, breaded and fried, served with whisky dipping sauce.

Highland Gathering ... Oink Oink Oink


First up ... the Scotch Egg, or half of one. I tried this without any sauce at first and wasn't overly crazy about it - the sausage was a little too pungent for my taste - but once I used some of that honey mustard dipping sauce this eggy little bugger really came to life. I don't think it's something that I'd ever order on my own because it's too heavy for an appetizer and fried, hard boiled eggs just aren't my thing, but I'm glad that I gave it a try.

Half an egg ... with lots of extra cholesterol


Next up, the Sausage Roll. This was the weakest entry of the four appetizers - I realize that Jay and I are somewhat biased in our love of Raglan Road's Dalkey Duo, which is little sausages like these that have been dipped in batter and deep fried, but I have to go on record as saying that deep fried sausages with mustard sauce are an artery-clogging delectation while nekkid boiled sausages served up limp and moist in soggy puff pastry are irredeemable. They look undercooked, don't they?

The sausage roll ... just say no!


Aside from having a very cute little name, the Baby Bridies (yep, b-r-i-d-i-e-s) were exceptionally tasty. The sirloin was nicely spiced and the puff pastry was cooked just right ... lightly browned and flaky. These beefy turnovers were good eaten plain, but really WOWED us when we poured some whisky sauce and steak sauce over them. This is one appetizer that everyone agreed they would order again. I took two pictures of this one to give you a better idea of how they looked.

Baby Bridie #1


Baby Bridie #2


And last but certainly not least was the dread Haggis Fritter. None of us have ever eaten Haggis and let's face it - you can't really get Haggis prepared in the US the way it is in Scotland ... something about the FDA not approving of meat and barley cooked inside of a sheep's innards. I'm not sure that I approve either. Jay was the most gung-ho about trying it, but in this instance I was pleasantly surprised - the haggis was very finely ground meat minced with onion, barley, salt and spices, rolled into batter and then deep fried - it was pretty good and really paired well with the whisky sauce which provided a nice offset to the spices.

Curious about traditional haggis? Common ingredients include the sheep's heart, liver, and lungs minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock and then boiled in the animal's stomach for at least three hours.

Now you know why neither the FDA nor I approve of traditional Scottish cooking methods.

Haggis fritter ... it's organ meat night!


Our waiter timed the meal perfectly, and shortly after the appetizer plates were cleared our entrees were delivered. Dylan ordered the Shepherd Pie - ground lamb, onions, turnips, carrots, and parsnips baked with mashed potatoes. He, like Jay, is a fan of mish-mash dishes and said this was very good. He offered me a taste but I declined, since I don't care for this dish, but Jay tried some and pronounced it tasty indeed.

A big dish of mish-mash!


Jen chose the Mushroom Pasty (that's pronounced past-ee) which also came with a choice of house or Caesar salad - she opted for Caesar. The Pasty, by the way, was a clump of mixed, roasted mushrooms, Gruyere, and Arugula baked in puff pastry. I get the feeling that the Scots love puff pastry almost as much as they like deep frying things that have no business being tossed in the fry daddy ... like eggs ... and pickles ... and candy bars ... and most small animals.

At least the 'shrooms are hidden ...

I took a huge gamble and ordered the Basmati Crusted Sea Scallops with Roasted Tomato, Scallion, and Shaved Carrots in British Curry. You may be wondering why I considered this such a risk; well, it's because finding good seafood in Stinktown is not easy and laying your tastebuds on a well prepared scallop here is akin to finding seared foie gras at Walt Disney World. This dish was a Stinktown delight and revelation! The scallops were generously sized and perfectly cooked - silky smooth with just a hint of sweetness. I think I would have preferred my scallops un-crusted, only because the slight crunch of the coating confuzzled my brain and it kept thinking that the scallops hadn't been properly cleaned. And while I'm not a fan of curry, the Scottish Arm's version was subtle and played nicely against the sweetness of the scallops.

Scallop O'Hara's got nothing on these bad boys!

My entree also came with a side item and I had no choice but to select the creamy tatties, precious ... and they were everything a metal pot of potatoes should be: hot, and silky-smooth, and unbelievably scrumptious.

Tatties, precious ... lots and lots of tatties.

Jay got nailed with the dining jinx once again and I really felt bad for him since this seems to happen more often than not when we dine out. He was going to order the Duo of Rabbit which was a stuffed smoked leg and arugula wrapped loin served with butter seared yukons and a huckleberry demiglace, but as soon as he requested it our waiter remembered to tell us that their supplier had been rather unreliable with the bunny meat of late. Damn it all to hell! If we'd known we were going to encounter this kind of problem we could have fished a few out from under our front porch and brought 'em with us.

Ah well, when foiled with his first choice then Jay usually looks for the next weirdest thing to try ... in this case it was Juniper Marinated Duck Breast, pan seared medium rare, served with Rutabaga Puree' and Spiced Pear Chutney. He chose Colcannon as his side dish, which is a mess of cabbage and mashed potatoes with butter, salt, and pepper. Jay thought this was very good; well-cooked so that the duck meat was tender and juicy but with a nice light layer of crispy skin to provide some texture and saltiness.

Duck, duck ... where's the goose?

Colcannon ... ugh, cabbage.

Before placing an order for dessert, Jay and I decreed that we must share a scotch flight to wash down the sweeties. Dylan asked me how I even knew to ask the waiter for the "other" scotch menu ... ah, bless his innocent heart. I showed him the scotches that were listed at the back of the beer / wine / liquor menu and indicated that they were all blended scotches.

"Blended scotch is crap. You want single malt scotch which is more expensive and in a place like this they're going to have a separate menu for it. You just gotta ask."

As if Auntie Crohn and Thirsty Jay are such experts ... we've only been playing with scotch for two years and blame it all on those insidious bastards at Epcot's Food & Wine Festival. It didn't take long for the Scotch Bible to make an appearance and we selected the Portwood Cask Tour which was a tasting of the Balvenie 21-year, Benriach Portwood, and the Glenmorangie Quinta Ruban (we have this last one at home and know well just how good it is ... booyah!).

Mmmmm, scotch warms my belly!

Our dessert selections included a Creme Brulee Trio ... left to right in the picture below: Lemon Sage, Double Chocolate Stout, and Apple Cinammon Creme Brulee. I admit that I was skeptical - we've dined in far more upscale restaurants only to have them botch the brulee - but all three of these were wonderful. Perhaps the surprise winner of the evening was the lemon sage, which was a lightly sweeted, cool, lemon delight. The chocolate stout was also very good and the apple cinammon was nice, maybe a little too much apple, but still very enjoyable. All three were cooked prefectly and just the right size for sharing.

A trio of creme brulee? Don't mind if we do!

And last but not least was the Pear and Black Walnut Bread Pudding with warm Vanilla Creme Anglaise. There was no way we could say no to the bread pudding even if it was teeming with intestinal time bombs. Although, to be fair, it was no real hardship for me to avoid the bread pudding because I thought it was way too heavy and custardy ... I focused most of my attention on the creme brulee. Jay and Dylan really liked the bread pudding though, and thought the vanilla creme anglaise added an extra hint of sweetness.

I'll stick with Raglan Road's bread and butter pudding ...


I am here to tell you fine people that the Scottish Arms is a hidden gem the likes of which we had no idea even existed in Stinktown. The food was generous, well prepared, tasty, and very satisfying. The menu offered plenty of food and drink choices to please the adventurous diner as well as the more timid one, and the service was helpful and friendly. Jay and I would definitely have dinner here again and we wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone who wants a hearty British Isles meal in a cozy, congenial atmosphere. It's as close to the Auld Country as yer gonna git in Stinktown; aye, and worth every penny!