Joel Robuchon; MGM Grand, Las Vegas: Part II

Happy 40th Birthday Hubba ... I Wanted You to Have a Memorable Evening but This is Ridiculous!

Let's recap, shall we?

There was much smacking of lips, oooohhhhing and aaaahhhhing, and general squirming with delight ... at Skeletor's table.

As for the rest of us ... Jay was snickering; I was shocked; the couple seated at the table behind Jay was staring open-mouthed over his shoulder; and our entire serving team was standing in the doorway, whispering frantically to each other.

I made eye contact with one staff member and gestured slightly toward Skeletor as if to ask, "What are you going to do about that?"

Her response was a shoulder shrug; obviously the staff didn't know how to react when confronted with guests who interpreted the term "food porn" in such a literal fashion. I really wanted to request that we be moved to another table but as you may recall from my first post, there was nowhere else for us to go because the restaurant was completely full. There was nothing left to do but try to make light of the situation, so I turned to Jay and said, "I expect this kind of behavior at Universal, but not at Walt Disney World! Oh, wait ... we're in Vegas; nevermind."

Jay's response: "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless we happen to be in the room to witness it!"

Luckily another course was delivered to distract us from the Skeletor peep show - and the arrival of serving staff in the room seemed to be enough to pry the two lovebirds away from each other and remind them that they were in a public place. Our newest food offering was sea scallop a la plancha with kumquat, but to quote our server, "don't eat the kumquat; it's just there to make the plate look pretty."

And who needs a kumquat anyway when you have a plump, perfectly prepared scallop in a wee bath topped with tender asparagoose?

La Noix de Saint-Jacques


It was about this time that things really started to spiral out of control at the table behind me, if you can even believe such a thing was possible. I did not see what happened, but between what I heard and what Jay saw, the meltdown transpired as follows:

A plate of food was delivered to Skeletor's keeper. The server then placed an empty plate in front of Skeletor - this is common practice at The Mansion, where a fresh plate is laid down for each guest with the delivery of a new course regardless of whether everyone at the table is receiving food. There was a moment of silence and then a shrill voice rang out, "Well, what am I supposed to eat?"

The server explained to Skeletor that she had not ordered anything for this particular course, unlike her companion, but they would be happy to bring her something if she wanted to place an additional order.

"I'm starving!"

Again, the server tried to explain that because she hadn't ordered for this course there wasn't anything for them to bring her. And because of the way that a la carte meals were paced, her next selection wasn't ready to serve.

"But I'm fucking starving!!"

Your eyes and comprehensive abilities did not fail you, gentle reader ... Skeletor dropped the F-bomb right there in the middle of one of the most prestigious restaurants in the entire US-of-A. Now, I am no paragon of ladylike behavior nor am I an etiquette expert; on occasion I have been known to curse like a sailor on shore leave who finds himself in a dry town, but I do know how to comport myself based on my surroundings, as do most people over the age of ten.

Perhaps at this point in the tale you find yourself wondering how Skeletor's keeper was occupying himself during the food crisis being experienced by his precious? Like me, you may cherish a secret hope that he will step forward and muzzle his dog by stuffing a nine-grain roll down her bony throat. Had he possessed that kind of moxy, Jay and I would have made it our business to commission him a special edition bottle of Cabernet-Montrachet from the winery of his choice. Much to our disappointment, however, he didn't say a word but instead concentrated on eating his food ... without offering to share a single bite with her.

Meanwhile, Skeletor continued to moan about her hunger pangs, punctuating each dramatic pronouncement of starvation with louder and louder usage of the F-dash-dash-dash word to ensure that the rest of us knew of her displeasure. When a staff member returned to their table to clear the plates, the keeper finally demanded to speak with a manager because the level of service they had thus far received was "completely unacceptable."

I really felt bad for the manager and the serving staff, who had done absolutely nothing wrong. The manager listened to their complaints, which amounted to no more than "Fuuuuuuuuck! I'm starving ..." and "The food is taking too long to be served ..." and "Everyone else in here is getting food ..." followed by, "What is she supposed to do with an empty plate anyway?"

Then after apologizing to Skeletor and her keeper for the experience being less than they wanted and expected, the manager offered to bring them their bill so that they could settle up and leave for a more acceptable destination. That, it turns out, was the wrong suggestion.

"Do you know who we are? Do you know how much money we have? We stay at places like the Four Seasons all the time! We travel all over the world and have never been treated this poorly! We won't be paying for anything - you should comp us for all the trouble we've had here tonight!"

The manager merely shrugged at them, turned on his heels, and left the room. To say that the atmosphere was uncomfortable at this point in the evening was a gross understatement. All the other couples seated in the fake garden room had ordered the tasting menu just like we had, and food was making regular appearances at their tables accompanied by nasty commentary from Skeletor, who, as she loudly reminded us, "WAS FUCKING STARVING!!!"

I could feel the waterworks building; we had planned this night for nearly two years - had saved for it and looked forward to it as a truly special, spectacular way to celebrate Jay's 40th birthday and instead it was falling apart thanks to some skanky, classless bimbo and her totally whipped boy-toy. The tears were just about ready to fall when the moment was saved by the delivery of a completely unexpected food course and a very clever waiter.

During our third course I had neglected to eat the soup component because it was super-dooper shroomy. While clearing the dishes this gentleman inquired about my full bowl: "Did you not enjoy it?"

I didn't want to make a fuss (unlike some people) and simply told him that I didn't really care for mushrooms. He offered to say something to the chef and bring me a different selection but I told him it wasn't necessary - there were plenty of other courses still to come and I would have more than enough to eat by the time our meal was concluded.

And that was the end of it; or so I thought until he showed up with a bowl of creamed tofu and asparagus topped with caramelized eel. He placed an empty plate in front of Jay and the bowl in front of me and then said, in a voice no doubt designed to carry to Skeletor's table, "The chef made this especially for you to replace the morel broth that you didn't care for. It's very important to all of us that our guests have the best experience possible when dining at The Mansion and we know this is a very special evening for the two of you."

Jay looked down at his empty plate, glanced at my bowl, and then said to the waiter, "Well, what am I supposed to eat?"

For the briefest moment the poor man froze in place, and then he realized that Jay was poking fun. He winked at us and said, "Enjoy with our compliments," before leaving the room.

From behind me I heard that shrewish voice again. "Why did she get extra food? Why is everyone else getting food while we're sitting here with nothing? I'm starving! Fuuuuuhhhhck! This place is awful. I'm so hungry! Fuuuuuucccccck!"

I resisted the urge to turn around and stick my fork in her eye, and focused instead on the dish in front of me. It was a wonderful blend of flavor and texture and I offered the bowl to Jason, saying as loudly as possible, "You need to try this ... IT'S SOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!"

Jason agreed with me; it was a pretty amazing dish. And in all the excitement I managed to forget that it included eel, something I've never really liked. "Is this caramelized tofu? It's really good and the texture is so silky and tender ... it almost reminds me of a scallop."

I looked over at my husband to find him smirking at me. "What?"

"It's not tofu."

"Well, what is it?"

"It's eel."

"Really? The server said it was eel? Wow; this yucky is good!"

Creamy tofu with caramelized eel


The manager made a sudden re-appearance and there then ensued a loud, prolonged discussion about the bill with Skeletor's keeper. The end result was that he paid for something, all the while complaining that they'd received better food and service down the street at In and Out Burger. Skeletor and her lackey were then escorted from the fake garden and the restaurant. As they exited the room I started to clap and then Jay joined in with me - it probably wasn't the most appropriate thing to do, but I wanted them to know someone was happy to see them leave and appreciated the efforts of the staff to make them do so.

The restaurant manager then stopped at every table to personally apologize to each guest for the disturbance and for the length of time it had been allowed to continue. Jay and I were at pains to let him know that we had witnessed the entire spectacle and would be more than happy to provide a statement on behalf of him and his staff if they needed it. It's been our experience that people like Skeletor and her keeper get their asses kissed even when they're in the wrong while the blameless party usually gets shafted, and we wanted to do what we could to make sure that didn't happen in this instance. I don't know if he said something to the staff or if they overheard us talking with him, but for the rest of the evening it seemed like they couldn't do enough to make our meal as wonderful as possible.

The peace and quiet that descended on the restaurant after the departure of Skeletor and her keeper was delicious - there's just no other word for it. The evening grew calm and comfortable from this point forward, and it was just in time for our next grouping of courses: Les Crustaces, which included roasted lobster with green curry, coriander scented coral broth, and truffled langoustine ravioli with chopped cabbage.

Les Crustaces

La langoustine truffee et cuite en ravioli

Le homard roti au curry et fines graines de chou-fleur

Un the coralline parfume a la coriandre

The sad thing is that neither Jay nor I remember much of anything about this course; I'm sure Jay enjoyed all of it and I'm sure I enjoyed portions of it, but concrete impressions and memories seem to have been eclipsed by the floor show we'd witnessed earlier. Thankfully, the next course did make more of an impact: Les Fevettes, or savory scented fava bean veloute with sweet onion foam, was creamy and delicious. I'm not a big fan of fava beans (with or without a nice chianti) but if they were served like this all the time I think I could see my way clear to eating them more often!

Un fin veloute soyeux a la sarriette sous un voile d'oignon doux

The beanie goodness within!

The next course to show up at our table was number nine, if you happen to be keeping track. This was Le Foie Gras: duck foie gras and young bamboo shoots in green cabbage. I feel much shame admitting that I didn't care for this; I do love my meat butter, but only if it's seared and served with some kind of fruit. There was certainly nothing wrong with this dish but it just wasn't to my personal taste. Lucky Jay ended up with double the foie gras!

En Papillote de chou vert aux jeunes bambous


Who buried my meat butter?


Before I close this installment I should give you the final dirt on Skeletor and her keeper, which we found out after our dinner was over and we were being escorted back to the limo. They apparently were trouble from the moment an MGM gold limo was sent to pick them up at their hotel - they made the driver wait an extra 45 minutes until they were ready and so were late for their dinner reservation. Jason and I suspected, and this was also confirmed, that Skeletor and her man were higher than a kite as well as drunk off their respective asses. One reason it took so long to get them out of the restaurant was that management had to alert hotel security, which was waiting for them after their expulsion from the dining room. We don't know how their story ended but I'm sure if they were as wealthy as they wanted the rest of us to believe, things turned out just fine for them. They are probably ruining a dinner somewhere even as I type ... perhaps the French Laundry or the Inn at Little Washington.

Coming soon ... part three, which will include dessert, more dessert, the candy cart, the cheese trolley, and a special birthday surprise for Jason!

St Louis Centennial Beer Festival - Brewer's Dinner

Hey You, Beer Me; Beer Us Together ... That's the Way it Should Be.

While a fairly new event around the Stinktown area, The Centennial Beer Festival has gained rapid acceptance and popularity. The festival started as a one-night tasting event in 2009; the next year they added a beer dinner, a VIP tasting area, and a second tasting session. Jay and I learned about the 2010 dinner too late to attend but I wrote myself a cryptic reminder to look for a 2011 dinner in case the organizers decided to offer another one.

Said cryptic message was scrawled on the back page of my work calendar and read something like this: Food = Good; Beer = Better; Cold; Centennial; Book; Happy!

Don't ask me to explain what the hell that meant because I have only the vaguest of ideas. But something clicked after I stared at my scribbles for about 30 minutes and I started poking the interwebs to great success and delight. Not only were they offering a beer dinner again, but it was going to be hosted by locally-owned Schlafly Brewery's co-founder Dan Kopman. The price per person to attend was a very reasonable $59 and guests could look forward to a five-course meal paired with Schlafly craft beers. In addition, I could look forward to a happy evening with my lovey and our two local foodie friends, Anila and Artan. What's not to like?

The dinner was held at Moulin, which is a banquet / meeting space owned and operated by the same folks who own Vin de Set, so we knew that the food was likely to be just as good as the beer. We arrived shortly before 6PM and had to wait a little longer than expected to check in and find a table, but that's a minor grumble. We were allowed to seat ourselves and then head over to the bar which was open for 30 minutes prior to dinner. Guests could chose from Schlafly's Pale Ale, Hefeweizen, and Winter Ale, and they weren't limited to just one sample. I do think it would have been nice if some snackables had been available during this brief "hoptail" hour - I have a hard time drinking beer on an empty stomach no matter how tasty the brew may be.

Place setting


Ambience


Dan Kopman - Schlafly beer host


Hefeweizen and Winter Ale


Our beer guide / host for the evening was Dan Kopman, a man who obviously loves his beer. He was very entertaining and informative and kindly told the staff to bring food while he talked because it was quite possible he might never shut up. So without further delay, let's just get right into it, shall we?

First Course: Seared Tuna Carpaccio with Citrus Ginger Dressing served with Schlafly Kolsch.

Oh, yum!

They gave us sushi grade tuna and prepared it perfectly, thank you Jeebus! It was pink and tender and delicate and paired fabulously with the Kolsch, which I think surprised us all. Jason and I have enjoyed Kolsch previously - it used to be a seasonal summer beer but met with such success that Schlafly promoted it to year-round status. Kolsch is a golden ale that uses a yeast strain from a famous brewery in Germany ... just don't ask me which one. It has a light aroma and a very clean finish; it's a highly drinkable beer and really is perfect for the sticky, Stinktown summer months. And now we know it's perfect for tuna, too!

Schlafly's Kolsch


Tuna Carpaccio


Second Course: Wild Boar Cranberry Sausage Hash topped with a Fried Quail Egg served with Schlafly Scotch Ale.

Nom Nom Nom!

Those of you who know me well know that I am not a fan of hashes - I just don't care for jumbled food that's usually too dry or too greasy. I do, however, enjoy a good sausage and find quail eggs both cute and tasty. I have to go on record as saying that this was a great mish-mash hash: little potato cubes that were lightly crisped on the outside and bursting with hot, poatoey goodness on the inside mixed with mildly spicy boar sausage and topped with a fabulous fried egg. And through it all there was a hint of both pepper and sage that somehow pulled it all together. It was delicious, plain and simple; and it was amazing paired with Scotch Ale. Schlafly makes this brew available each year between the months of January and March; it's considered a traditional scotch ale and pours out in a lovely mahogany color with a semi-sweet taste and very little overall bitterness. It's one of our new favorites!

Scotch Ale


Mish-mash hash sunny side up!


Third Course: Poached Pear on a bed of Mixed Greens with Caramelized Onions and Bleu Cheese served with Schlafly Biere de Garde.

While Jay and I typically subscribe to the Homer Simpson school of thought on greens - You Don't Win Friends with Salad - this was a pretty tasty plate of rabbit food. Pears and bleu cheese are usually a nice complement to each other and there was a lovely dressing mixed in with the greens that reminded me a little of balsamic vinegar. I had to be careful to avoid the hidden seeds that were added to the salad for texture, but overall I really enjoyed this course. And what can I say about the Biere de Garde? It's one of Schlafly's bottle conditioned beers and has been a favorite of ours since we first tried it at a Brewer's Dinner back in 2008. Based on a traditional French farmhouse ale, the beer is made with four different types of malt which gives it an almost toffee flavor while some French hops lend it some spiciness. In a word: fabulous!

Biere de Garde


Pick a pear!


Fourth Course: Peppered Beef Tenderloin Medallion with Wild Mushroom Duxelle over Barley Pilaf served with Schlafly Dry-Hopped APA.

Meh.

To be fair, and I try very hard to be fair, I knew that this was likely to be my least favorite offering of the evening. Mushrooms don't make anything better in my book, but I scraped them off and tried to enjoy the rest of the food on my plate. The beef actually wasn't bad; it was cooked nicely and had a nice peppery aftertaste. The pilaf, on the other hand, was not good at all - a gloppy, sticky, tasteless mess that added nothing to the dish. And visually this was the least appealing plate that was set before us all night - look at that picture and tell me why anyone would even try to eat it?

I'll tell you why ... because everyone was buzzed off their asses from all the beer they'd been drinking! Wahahahaaaa!

Ahem.

Speaking of beer, this was also my least favorite beer of the evening. I don't like hoppy beers and this was hoppier than Peter Cottontail on Easter morning. According to the information I was able to cobble together it's brewed with lots of North American hops and then it's re-circulated through a tank with even more hops for about a week; the result is a big, bitter brew that will suck all the moisture out of your mouth.

Beef and Stuff


Schlafly Dry-Hopped APA


We interrupt this tale to share a picture of our local foodie friends, who made the evening so much fun. Aren't they cute?

Artan & Anila


Fifth Course: Creme Custard Napoleon with Sweet Crisp Phyllo, Bananas, Caramel Sauce, and Whipped Cream served with Schlafly Bourbon Barrel Imperial Stout.

I don't really have much of an opinion about dessert - it could have been better and it could have been worse. The caramel sauce was good, although there was too much of it, and the creme custard was light with just a hint of vanilla. The bananas, however, were gacky and detracted from the overall dessert while the phyllo was overcooked to the point that it was like eating a toasted cracker. The Imperial Stout, on the other hand, is a Jay & Bendy favorite and we were happy to wash down the sweets with this old friend. It pours into the glass with a dark brown, almost black color and has strong flavors of chocolate and coffee. It also has a good dose of malt and hops to combat some of the sweetness of the higher alcohol content; it ferments for three months and is then transferred to freshly emptied bourbon barrels to age for about one year. It really is a terrific beer, especially in the winter months!

Schalfly Bourbon Barrel Imperial Stout


Creme Custard Napoleon, I


Creme Custard Napoleon, II


Overall, we really enjoyed the dinner and had a tremendously fun time. The food was good to acceptable, depending on the course, and the service was great. Whenever we asked for beer refills our serving team always brought us entire bottles - they were not skimping on the beer love, even with the more expensive brews. And on a personal note I was thrilled to see that the place settings had silverware laid out for each course ... no reusing of utensils here! As for the beer, Schlafly brews some amazing craft beers and Stinktown is lucky to have them; for those of you outside of St. Louis who haven't had a chance to sample their wares, find a way to do so because they have a fabulous product.

Beer's to you, Centennial Beer Festival and Schlafly Brewery; it was a great evening!

Joel Robuchon; MGM Grand, Las Vegas: Part I

Happy 40th Birthday Hubba or What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas ... Unless Jay and Bendy Witness Your Five-Star Meltdown

Joel Robuchon - recipient of more Michelin Stars than I probably have teeth; a AAA five-diamond and Mobile five-star winning Wine Spectator Grand Poobah. Named France's Chef of the Century, he came out of retirement to open his first US restaurant in Sin City (probably because someone drove a dump truck full of money up to his house) and it promptly became the only Michelin 3-Star restaurant in all of Las Vegas.

In Stinktown that translates to "I'm going to pay how much for a dinner that doesn't include steak?"

So let's not be coy.

Joel Robuchon's restaurants are not for the faint of heart or short of funds. When Jason and I decided that we wanted to dine here for his 40th birthday celebration we did so two years ahead of time in order to set aside the money to cover a week-long Vegas trip as well as two 16-course degustation menus. The current price of said degustation menu: $385 per person, not including tax or gratuity.

You understand, then, that for people like us, and I imagine for most of you reading here as well, this kind of dinner is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Dare I say, IT'S A BIG DEAL. Jay and I talked about this meal months prior to the trip and looked up reviews and pictures and just generally fidgeted with greedy, gastronomic anticipation. I point this all out so that later in the review you will understand why I found myself near tears in the middle of one of the most exclusive restaurants in Las Vegas and why Jason audibly wished for a video camera to record events because no one was going to believe us when we shared the story.

But more about that later.

Dining at Robuchon is such a special event that if you know to ask (and I scour the interwebs on a regular basis to ensure that I know what I need to know to be in the know) the restaurant staff will arrange round-trip transportation to and from the MGM Grand with one of the resort's signature gold limousines at no additional charge. For one night only we were going to receive the VIP treatment!

Self-portrait in our floor-length mirror ... when we were thin and hungry!


MGM Pimp Limo picking us up at the Encore!


I could get used to this ...


The cool thing about the limo ride, aside from the fact that you're actually in a gold stretch limo bopping down the Vegas strip, is that the driver doesn't drop you off at the front entrance to the MGM Grand where you must then walk through clouds of tobacco smoke and push past the unwashed masses in order to reach the restaurant. No siree! The limo driver instead takes guests to The Mansion at MGM, which is an exclusive enclave of 30 private villas tucked so well into the resort complex that you'd never know it was there unless you were supposed to know. The entire area is modeled after an 18th century Tuscan villa and has been sumptuously decorated with authentic, priceless European pieces. It has a private casino, two spas, and more than $1 million worth of area rugs. The only people who stay at The Mansion are the people who are invited to stay by hotel management; however, guests dining at Robuchon are allowed to relax prior to their reservation in one of The Mansion's public rooms until a restaurant staff member arrives to escort them to dinner.

Jason and I had the place to ourselves, aside from a few very discreet staff members, and while we probably didn't wait more than ten minutes it seemed like forever. I felt very awkward and out of place; gauche, even, especially when I whipped out the camera to take some pictures. The same stupid phrase kept running through my brain: we're not in Stinktown anymore, Toto.

No slouching!


Jason looks right at home ...


We like how the other half lives and would like to join them ... permanently!


Our Robuchon escort turned out to be one of the restaurant hostesses and she was quite friendly and even took our picture in the Villa courtyard. This was the area where we were originally dropped by our limo.

REM - Remorseless Eating Machines


The walk through the rest of The Mansion was amazing and beautiful - there are truly priceless works of art, porcelains, tapestries, and furniture everywhere. To give you some examples, there are paintings by Matisse and Picasso, Tang Dynasty sculptures, and Portuguese tapestries. And it is impossible to get into, or out of, the "public" areas of The Mansion without clearing security - they take their guests' privacy and safety very seriously.

Once we arrived at Robuchon we were seated immediately, but I have to confess to some disappointment. The main dining room is decorated in plush purple velvet with accents of black and white and gold - it's set off by an amazing crystal chandelier. And then for some odd reason the restaurant has a fake garden room with five tables and not a lot of privacy for additional seating. I wanted the main dining room and never stopped to think that for a 5:30 seating we would have to worry about being placed in the "kids" room but that's exactly what happened. And not only that, but we were seated at a round table for four people instead of one of the available two-toppers on either side of us. It was weird and awkward and not at all intimate and I didn't like it one bit, but there was nowhere else for us to go because the dining room was full.

Peek through our doorway to see the really plush dining area where they had pillows and carpeting and booze carts ... I love pillows and booze carts, especially when they can be found together in the same place.

Why can't we sit in there?


We took a shower!


Our decor ... fake ivy and Madame Leota's crystal ball


Place setting


I have to be honest - I was not at all pleased at this point in the evening. We were in the middle of the fake garden at a round table and there were two other couples on either side of us and it felt like we were all on top of each other. To make matters worse, I had been fighting with the gutworm all day and was very worried that it was going to rear its head and leave me in Joel Robuchon's bathroom while Jason ate dinner alone. Plans for a bottle of champagne went right out the fake door and into the fake ivy - we each ordered a single glass so that we could toast Jay's birthday but damn if I didn't feel like a ruiner before we'd even had a chance to look at the menu.

Happy birthday, handsome hubba!


Those aren't albino sausages ... they're my arms!


Can you see the vague shapes of people behind me in that picture? Note them well because they were our entertainment for a good third of the evening. I didn't notice them when we were first seated, but once I began to settle down and relax I became aware that the female member of this party talked loudly and constantly ... mostly about herself and how much men love her. From the way she spoke I assumed that she was probably very young; I thought this might be a "big date" for her and her manfriend and I tried very hard to ignore her. The manfriend, by the way, didn't say much ... I suppose he was dazzled by the vision of self-absorbed beauty sharing his table. We found out later that he was just really stupid.

The service at Robuchon is very measured ... everything is very calm and very quiet and very much about ensuring the best possible experience for the guest. The serving staff inquired about allergies and I mentioned my issues with nuts and seeds - they were scrupulous to a fault throughout the evening. Honestly, I think they were more careful with my food in one night than I've been in ten years! They were attentive and helpful without being overly intrusive and were very kind in many ways as the evening wore on.

Once our order was placed for the tasting menu we had only to sit back and wait for the first of many delights to show up at our table. The bread cart, which made an appearance at least twice, was loaded with freshly made yeasty offerings. Guests were welcome to try as many of these items as they liked and trying to decide between them all was not easy; Jason and I loves us some fresh bread, but we knew that we had to leave room for all the food to come so we limited ourselves to two choices each.

It was about this time that I really became aware of the couple seated behind me. The bread cart visited their table after ours and while the manfriend availed himself of more carb-loaded goodness, the female said, "Oh, no more for me even though it's so good. I can't eat too much bread or I will gain weight and I have to keep my fabulous figure."

When someone trills a comment like that at a member of the wait staff, I have to sneak a peek and let me just say that this woman looked like a toothpick. She didn't have a figure ... she had skin and bones and a hank of hair. Jason promptly dubbed her Skeletor and said at least she'd be a cheap date.

The bread cart!


Asiago roll & Bacon roll


Sourdough roll & Whole Wheat baguette


Our first course arrived shortly after the bread and it's something that is only provided when a guest orders the degustation menu - it cannot be ordered a la carte. Le Caviar is a Robuchon signature item and is described as follows: caviar on a fennel cream served as a surprise. It's a surprise because at first glance most people probably think they are being given an ounce of premium fish eggs to nosh on. It certainly does appear that way until you have your first bite and realize that there is a layer of caviar covering a creamy, tender crab filling. It was a rich mix of texture and flavors - simply amazing!

Le Caviar


SURPRISE!


Our second course was L'Oursin - sea urchin on a delicate spiced carrot fondant. It even had edible gold leaf, how fun is that? The gold leaf was the best part of this course, at least as far as I was concerned. I didn't care one bit for the taste of the sea urchin which reminded me of mud pie filling - it's texture, oddly enough, was reminiscent of foie gras but that taste .... bleh ... it was like eating dirt. Jason, however, thought this was quite tasty and really enjoyed the opportunity to try something new and scary.

L'Oursin


We now interrupt your tasting meal for a Skeletor and her manservant update.

These two did not order the tasting menu as Jay and I did; they apparently decided to go a la carte. I don't know which item they ordered but it was SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD! I know this because she must have had three foodgasms right there in the chair behind me and was loud enough that the people on the opposite side of the room were beginning to take notice. Shortly thereafter she excused herself and the manservant opened his mouth and requested the sommelier. He wanted to order another bottle of wine; something special. He asked for a recommendation on a really good Cabernet-Montrachet.

Jay and I just stared at each other, open-mouthed. And then I started to giggle.

"Psssssst," I whispered across the table at my hubby. "Didn't he just ask for a cabernet / white burgundy blend?"

Jay snickered. "Yep."

"I don't know much about wine but there isn't any such thing, is there?"

"I don't think so."

How the sommelier managed to keep a straight face through the whole exchange is beyond me, but his self control was amazing. I wonder though, if he wandered back to kitchen or wine cellar later that evening and busted a gut.

Shortly before our third, fourth, and fifth courses showed up, Skeletor made her triumphant return from the ladies room and I got my first and only good look at her. She was old! Skinny, leathery, and wrinkled with nasty bleach-blond fried hair. Jay summed it up best when he said, "She's been ridden hard and put away wet."

There wasn't much time to dwell on the horror behind me, however, because three courses arrived simultaneously: Les Asperges was a kind of study in asparagoose and I really enjoyed two of three offerings that were provided. We had asparagus pana cotta with citrus (creamy and light and refreshing), scrambled egg in a golden toast (lovely fluffy egg topped with asparagus and served in an edible toast bowl), and morel royale with chunks of asparagus and white wine broth (not with the shrooms again!).

Three courses at once AKA Les Asperges


Brouillarde Cremeuse Dans Une Voilette de Pain Dore


Un Blanc-Manger Aux Substances D'Agrumes


Royale Tremblotante de Morille Au Vin D'Arbois


While Jason and I were sampling all of these items I suddenly noticed how quiet the room had become. I looked over at him to ask a question and he was staring past me with a huge grin on his face.

"What?"

"Turn around and look."

"I can't just turn around - they'll know exactly what I'm doing."

"No they won't," Jason assured me.

So, carefully, I turned my head to the right and then whipped it back around to look at Jason who was laughing into his napkin by this point. I turned back again and stared at Skeletor and her manservant - they were engaged in an intense make-out session. She was straddling his lap and his hands were traveling and their tongues were dueling. And everyone was watching ...

Francois Payard, Payard Patisserie & Bistro; Vegas Uncorked Master's Series

Afternoon Tea with Francois Payard? No, Not Really ... Vegas Uncorked Misrepresents and Overbooks and Underwhelms.

I was terribly excited when this event was listed on the 2010 Vegas Uncorked website - ever since Jason and I had the pleasure of visiting Payard's in April 2008 when we tried his three-course dessert tasting (long since eliminated because no one else was apparently booking it) we had been looking forward to visiting the patisserie again. And now here was the perfect opportunity! Afternoon tea ... maybe some champagne ... fabulous pastries and confections ... a cooking demonstration by the master himself ... and a glossy cookbook to help us re-create the impossible at home.

For those of you who have never been to Payard's in Las Vegas, the patisserie and bistro are tucked well into the smoky bowels of Sleazer's Palace. It's not easy to find, but well worth it once you finally reach your destination. The actual dining area is quite small and when Jay and I arrived and saw the line of people waiting to gain entrance to the establishment we suspected there might be a potential problem staring us all in the face.

There was not enough seating for the number of tickets that Uncorked had sold to the event. To make matters worse, rather than serving guests at their tables after they were seated, the staff had laid out a buffet of foods for people to serve themselves as soon as they entered the bistro - this created an even longer delay in getting people checked in for the event, admitted to the bistro, and then seated with their food.

Jay and I found a seat at one of the last available tables, and there had to have been at least 15-20 people in line behind us. We shared with one other couple and a group of ladies - there really wasn't enough room for all of us but there wasn't much that could be done. Many of us, and I include myself in this grouping, were visibly and vocally annoyed by the situation - after paying $125 per person to attend, guests should not have been standing around the bistro searching for a place to sit and enjoy their food. I will go further and say that I don't think for that price tag that we should have been serving ourselves. And then I will go even further and say for that price tag, not offering champagne or wine or sherry as a drink option was pretty much unforgivable - guests were offered iced tea, water, coffee, or hot tea (with a teabag). Are you following me so far? This was not an afternoon tea as anyone with even the foggiest notion of teatime would have expected or envisioned.

Personally, I was also disappointed in the food. I admit that I expected a traditional tea service and experience with some elegant French interpretations of the long-standing British custom. What we had were some savory appetizer selections, some of which were probably variations of standard tea sandwiches, and a selection of pastries and cookies from Payard's daily menu. I expected more than that based on our dessert tasting from 2008 - I thought that there would be far fewer dessert options but that they would be created by Payard and his staff for our immediate enjoyment during the event. We didn't have anything that afternoon that couldn't have been purchased from the refrigerated case over on the retail area of the patisserie and in fact, when supplies were running low, I saw staff members head over to the patisserie and bring back items for us that has been set out for purchase.

Not cool.

Interestingly enough, this was the second Uncorked event that we attended where the primary hostess from Bon Appetite, Barbara Fairchild, was also in attendance. I found it surprising and somewhat ungracious that she didn't mingle with the guests at either event ... maybe she doesn't like the unwashed masses or too many of us were chewing with our mouths open? The staff at Payard's were as helpful and kind as they could be under the circumstances and Payard himself was charming and friendly and a lot of fun during his cooking demonstration. We waited in line to have him sign our cookbooks and to get a couple of photographs and he was as gracious as could be. We told him how much we'd enjoyed his dessert tasting and how sad we were to find it was no longer offered - he talked with us about it for nearly ten minutes, telling us that the hotel management had forced him to get rid of the offering because it wasn't making money. Such a shame because it was really one of the coolest, most delectable experiences Jay and I have ever had in Vegas.

To sum it up, so that you can get to the pictures and move on with your lives, we do not hold Francois Payard responsible for the snaufus at this event - we place that blame squarely on the shoulders of the Uncorked event planners and his senior staff. Based on our experience, however, we can't recommend this for anyone should it be offered again unless it comes down in price or the event format is significantly altered. We found out later that we would have been much happier at the cocktail / appetizer event at the Wynn where guests ended up with tasty food and booze as well as a mixology cookbook and a cocktail set. Sometimes I just choose wrong! I do have to say, though, that we both really enjoyed meeting Francois Payard - his commitment to, and passion for, his craft are very evident and he really was a pleasure to watch and very friendly to two hungry dorks who know nothing about pastry or chocolate, other than that they taste great together!

Plate of stuff


Buffalo mozzarella & tomatoes


Weird Salad, Salmon & Cream Cheese Roll-Up, and Vanilla Sponge Cake

Mystery Tart, Chocolate Hazelnut Mousse, Lemon Tart, Chockie & Vanilla Cakes

Same choices, different view and a Chocolate Berry Cake!

Some kind of roll ...

Watermelon Salad

Salmon Roll-Ups

Shrimp Shooters

Cookies

More Cookies

Pucker-Up Lemon Tart!

The Red Cake everyone wanted ... with a pink macaroon!

All of these are for sale in the Patisserie

Francois Payard ... talking to us about making a salted caramel chocolate-peanut tart

Cookbook signing!

He's got that French charm going for sure!

I still think Jay is cuter!


For those of you who are interested in the dessert tasting Jay and I enjoyed at Payard's in April 2008 ... here's the link to my review: knock yourselves out!

http://oybolshoi-gastropodtravels.blogspot.com/2008/05/payard-patisserie-caesars-palace.html